


Forty-three, Eighteen and One

by yasminakohl



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, Boys Kissing, How did I write all of this and honestly not write out the sex?, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jim is a bit of a creeper, M/M, Never in screen only implied because star trek medical, Not Star Trek Beyond Compliant, Not as dark as these tags make it sound, Obsession, PTSD, but he gets over it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27517894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: Jim has spent every moment since he was released watching Khan.No one can get him to see reason.Until Spock steps in, no, the other one. The one who has learned to wrangle Jim because of decades of friendship.Jim’s answer is to go and talk to Khan about this wicked case of survivor’s guilt he has.That turns into a bromance that may or may not stay that way.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Khan Noonien Singh
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	Forty-three, Eighteen and One

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note:  
> Years ago I found the quote “They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” - Banksy.
> 
> I’ve lost so many people this year (oddly not a one to the virus) and some of them hurt me more than others. 
> 
> Ivory is one of the ones that hurt. He had a great life. He had a long life. But he was such a BMF I couldn’t not put him in a story. 
> 
> His job in this story is a job he had in real life. One of the jobs he had in real life. But he had many. Another was as a police officer in Hell’s Kitchen in the 70’s. 
> 
> So for the Banksy quote, I figure if I put him (and a few others) into stories, so long as the internet still lives, and if Archives (of any kind) exist maybe centuries from now someone will say his name and he will be remembered for what an amazing, wonderful, caring and stupendous man he was. 
> 
> If you ever find the Irish bar with the Guinness door to the beer garden drink a shot of Jameson to Ivory. He’s sitting with Mary. Smoke a stogie too. He’d enjoy it.

Jim sat, watching the video feed. He’d been watching it for days on end.

McCoy and Spock had both tried to stage interventions. McCoy had tried steamrolling over him and all but dragging him from the room. Spock had tried to implement logical plans but Jim kept flaking out on them.

Uhura had told him he could call her Nyota if he would have lunch with his bridge crew.

Chekov tried to tempt his captain with new transporter schematics.

Sulu tried seducing him with a chance at a tandem rock climb to test out his new strength and stamina.

Scotty had tried to persuade his friend with the lure of a great whiskey and the promise of a warm body or two.

Others tried as well, none had any success.

Watching the feed, Jim knew that the man on the screen was not asleep. He understood from watching Spock a few times, that the man was meditating. He knew that all of the man’s attention was internal, most likely focusing on his breathing.

Jim watched and knew the second the breathing changed to sleep.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim flinched when he heard the knock on the door. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. But he knew better than to ignore the sound. He got up and stretched out the kinks. He took another look before answering the door. “What part of I’m not up to vi -“ Jim stopped his tirade short. The person standing on the other side of his door was not any of his crew, they were not one of the few captain’s who tolerated him, or even the handful of campus staff who liked him. No, the person on the other side of the door was the one person whom he couldn’t possibly say no too.

“Jim, it is good to see you.”

Jim nodded, “Uh, sorry, yeah,” he shook his head, “uh hi, come in.” He stepped back and opened the door all the way. Selek smiled his small smirk of a smile and stepped past Jim. “So what brings you to Earth?”

“You,” Selek’s answer startled the young man, he wasn’t sure why he thought it might not, “your friends are worried. They asked me to speak with you.”

Jim sighed. “I’m fine. There was no reason for you to have made the trip.”

“Oh, I see. Then if I walk over to your comm station it won’t show one specific person?”

“Why does it matter?”

Selek sighed, a truly human deep sigh. “Jim, a day is curiosity, two is understandable, three leads to concern, seventeen leads to conversations regarding mental health.” Selek reached out and guided Jim to the couch.

“And 36?”

“I would have been here weeks ago, but I was not on New Vulcan.”

“So, what do they want?”

“We all want you to get out of that room. Talk to your friends, your crew. The ship is being repaired, file for the changes you know will be helpful. Do not stare at him any longer.”

Jim rubbed his hands hard over his face, as if to scrape away his skin and find an answer, “I honestly have no idea why I keep watching him.”

“I believe I can understand it. You sacrificed everything, and through him, its possible for you to do it all again.”

Jim shrugged, “Yes and no, I don’t know, maybe I should just go talk to him.”

“Not overly logical, but again understandable,” Selek agreed.

“I just think I should say something, do something. I don’t know. I feel like… do you remember reading about transplant list from the twentieth?” Jim asked, when Spock nodded, Jim continued, “I feel like I suddenly got bumped to the top.”

Selek nodded once, he could see the correlation. “I would also put forth that it is not a hardship to look at him.”

Jim laughed, something he hadn’t done since he woke up. “No, it is no hardship to look at Khan.”

“Go take a shower, change into something presentable and have lunch with an old friend.”

Jim really couldn’t say no to the man his commander could one day be. “Fine, fine, I do actually know when I’m beat.”

“No, you do not, but I will allow you to continue to live in that delusion.”

Jim laughed again but got up and did as the old Vulcan asked.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Selek heard the water start and knew that this battle was won, but they would have to keep Jim engaged if they wanted it to be the final one.

He walked into Jim’s room feeling no guilt. Suppressing one’s emotions had certain benefits at times like these.

He found exactly what he knew he would. The sleeping form of Noonien Singh. He could see the unconventional beauty in the man’s features.

He also knew that somehow the Narada incident had changed this man; had changed him in ways other than Marcus finding him and tormenting him. Somehow there had been a ripple going far enough back to change Singh’s features from ruddy and blond to pale and raven haired. Even the accent was different. The man he had known had a more Latin accent; this man had a British accent. This man was willing to do anything to save his crew, the one he’d known did everything he could to use them to his advantage.

But he had also wondered if Nero had nothing to do with it; and if perhaps the universe was correcting an error created before Nero was ever born.

Marcus waking this man instead of Jim, placed him in imminent danger, not Spock. In this timeline, like all others Spock had traversed, James T. Kirk was desperately needed. Even in the universe where the Terran Empire existed instead of the Federation, Kirk had been needed.

Selek watched as the man on the screen flinched, it would look like nothing more than an errant muscle twitch to most people. But Selek saw it for what it was, an indication of a nightmare. He wondered if Jim had noticed it, if he had a count of how many times Singh had dreamt something that scared even a man like him.

“42.”

Selek turned to the man behind him, he had not heard the water stop, and that concerned him.

“He’s had 42, no, 43 nightmares since I started watching him. No one ever says a word to him. They just drop off the tray and take the old one. 36 days, that I know of, of no interaction with another soul. Wasn’t he sentenced to rehab, not solitary?”

“Did you ask yourself if this is not perhaps self-imposed?”

“Yeah, I did, and maybe it is, but then I need to ask why? I can’t not think about it. Every time I take a breath I think, it’s only because of him.”

“And you are here because of him, but that does not mean that the life you received from him should be squandered watching him have nightmares.”

“16 dreams.”

Selek said nothing about the abrupt statement, he did ask, “And how do you know they were dreams?”

“He has this small smile that’s not even a smile. It’s actually a very Vulcan smile.”

Selek shook his head. Jim would be the death of him one day, his Jim had already proven that once.

Jim pushed on, though he really had no idea why, “Did you know Bones found proof that every bone in his body had been broken at one point or another? His left arm’s been broken three times. Bones also said that he is actually left hand dominate but has been forced to be right handed while simultaneously being perfectly accurate using both hands on any task.”

Jim shook his head, McCoy had told him that before they had learned that Jim was watching him all the time. “How much do you have to screw with someone to make them switch hand dominance while making them maintain the ability to use both hand with exactly the same precision?”

Selek understood Jim in a way that the younger Vulcan could not yet. Spock didn’t know what lived in Jim’s past. Selek did because of their mind meld. He was deeply hurt by how much Jim’s life had changed from the one he’d seen in his friend so often.

“What was he like when you met him?”

Selek debated answering, not wanting to contaminate the timeline more than he already had. But that was all in the past. “He was cold, evil, cared for no one, in the end, not even his crew.”

“I just can’t see it in him. I saw his face when he killed Marcus, it was filled with a rage that doesn’t come from what’s been done to you, but with a rage that comes from not being able to stop something from happening to someone you care about. It was a rage that should have been found on Marcus’s face when Carol was hurt.”

Selek waited out his friend with blue eyes instead of hazel.

“Marcus put Carol in danger over and over and didn’t care one bit, other than she wasn’t where he thought she should be. If he could have Vega’ed her, he would have,” Jim mentioning the time Spock had marooned him on Delta Vega. “Marcus just wanted her contained. Khan wanted them away, he wanted his crew safe. I’ve seen the recording of when Spock launched the torpedoes, Khan was crazy. What he did after the attack on the Vengeance, I can sort of understand it. He thought he went from being one of 73 people to being the only one. Everyone he knew was dead; just gone. I don’t think any of us would be very sane after something like that.”

Selek saw the compassion in Jim’s eyes. He and Jim were unique with an understanding of giving everything to save those around you and still coming out the other side. “You understand him in a way no one else can or ever will.”

“I suppose,” Jim dropped on to his bed and pulled on the pants he had been holding. “Fuck, maybe I don’t understand him at all. I haven’t said a word to him since before I had Scotty stun him.”

&*&*&*&*&*&

His mind stopped at the sound of footfall in the hallway. It was too early. He had only been meditating for 271 breaths, he 389 to go before they brought the evening meal. It wasn’t even in the 3 afternoon yet.

He held himself still and kept his breathing steady and deep, refusing to show the anxiety that was beginning to rise. Nothing good came out of alterations of schedules in places such as this. He supposed that his respite these last 45 days was at and end. He knew that the chance that these last days would be all his life would amount to would be zero. At some point they were going to make him earn his keep; one way or another. He wondered how many he would have to damage for them to return the favor?

He heard the door open to the outer area, now they were close enough he differentiate between the footfalls. Tiny was there, so named because the footfalls where so light he was sure the person whom they belonged to had to be very small; barely five feet. One of his guards was not human, the cadence of the heartbeat was wrong. He heard two other sets of footsteps he knew, but had not bothered to tease out any information about them. He ‘knew’ them the least so he would go for them first. He knew it made more sense to go for the smallest one but they had to have the greatest skills to compensate for their lack of size.

Then he heard it, an additional two sets of footfalls and his trepidation almost stopped him from breathing altogether. There was only ever four guards, now walking towards him was six. “So it really was to begin,” he thought.

But something in the one set sounded familiar. He knew it was not a set he had heard since being brought to this cell. However he knew them all the same. As they stopped out side his door he knew who they belonged too.

“Captain, it’s been too long.”

“Khan.”

“Oh, I think you should drop the title. After all I am no longer a khan.”

Jim’s face scrunched up in confusion. “You’re no longer a you?”

Selek spoke up explaining the confusion, “Jim, Khan was the Hindi word for a ruler in large portions of what was India.”

Noonien knew that voice but yet it was so very wrong. He knew the sound of the Vulcan who had killed his crew, but this voice was rough with age.

Noonien had never looked at his keepers. He knew nothing of their appearance other than what he could piece together from the sounds they created. For the first time in 45 days he turned his head towards the door and opened his eyes. The lights hurt, of course. He’d only looked around long enough to memorize the layout and then they had closed.

Noonien knew within an instant what had happened. He could see the family resemblance between the one he hated and the man before him. If he had not heard of the events surrounding Nero he would assume the Vulcan before him was his father or an uncle. But he had heard the reason for his torture; repeatedly.

“The Spock who is Spock no more.”

“Marcus?” Selek asked. His true name and how he came to be here was kept from most of the population in an attempt to keep him from being hounded for information that was no longer accurate.

Noonien nodded once. Marcus had told the augment about the time traveling Vulcan, he had never told him the man’s name, but there was no need to guess once you’d seen the man. Then to Noonien’s surprise he turned to the four guards and ushered them out, leaving Kirk in the ‘visitation area’. The glass door separating them slid open and Noonien was able to take more than seven steps in anyone direction for the first time in over a month.

He watched Kirk gesture towards the table in the center of the room, but he shook his head. He doubted he’d get another chance to walk around anytime soon. He watched the light in Kirk’s eyes dim just a bit, but refused to be guilted by it. “Why are you here, Captain?”

Jim heard the disuse of Kh- of the man’s voice. He had known of course that he hadn’t said a word since he was brought here but it still surprised Jim for some reason. “Well, how about a name, since apparently I’ve been calling you King in my head since I met you.”

“Singh will suffice.”

Kirk shrugged, he dragged a chair up against the furthest away from the doorway to the hall before dropping into it. He tipped it backwards and leaned his head against the wall. Just that short walk had tired him out. He was going to have to start building up his stamina again.

“Why did you come, Captain?” Noonien asked again.

“Well,” Jim started to answer then stopped. Why had he come? He knew why, but he was doing a very good job of lying to himself. In the end he answered truthfully, the man deserved that much from him. “I felt I needed to thank you for saving my life. I have been suffering from a wicked case of survivors guilt.”

Noonien stopped his stroll, he had saved Kirk’s life in the debris field but other than that he could not think of a time he could have saved the young captain’s life. “Explain.”

Jim sat forward, letting the chair fall back down onto all four feet, “They didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Jim shook his head, they hadn’t told him. “I died Khan - Mr. Singh. When Marcus was attacking the Enterprise the warp core was knocked out of alignment. I had to go in and literally kick it back into place.”

Noonien stared at the man, he looked the same, there was not a trace of the amount of radiation that he would have been exposed to stepping into the chamber, let alone traveling to the top of the chamber and realigning the array. “How?” was the only thing he could think to say. He’d known of Marcus’s idea to tamper with the Enterprise in someway, but that was not he’d actually thought Marcus would use. It was a waste of a good ship.

Jim stood up and walked to the man who had saved his life without knowing it. “McCoy, my CMO, he’d had this tribble that died unexpectedly. He’d given it a small amount of your blood before we took our field trip to the Vengeance. It took time but it somehow brought it back to life. He repeated it after Spock and Uhura brought you back.”

“Yes, your Vulcan had much concern for you,” Noonien leaned in, only a hair between them, his voice icy cold, “but none for my crew!”

Jim was confused again. “Mr. Singh, your crew is in a bay within this complex.”

Noonien jerked back as if Kirk had hit him. His family lived?

“No one told you anything did they?”

“Why would they? No one has any obligations to me.”

Jim shook his head. “That’s why you didn’t say anything in your defense. You still thought you were alone.”

“I still think I am alone,” Noonien said to no one but himself.

Jim fought the urge to hug the man. The raw emotions playing across his eyes were the same as what Spock had seen when he found Jim in the warp core. Jim sighed, this was going to cost him, a lot. He wasn’t sure he had the favors to do what he was about to do. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his communicator. He took a deep breath and commed the prison warden. It took a moment before the woman answered the comm, and it took even longer before she stopped laughing at his request. Jim reminded her that Kh-Singh’s punishment had been rehabilitation, not a life time of solitary confinement. He pointed out that so far he’d seen zero attempts at rehabilitation. Everyone knew Jim had hacked the feed, so there was no need to pretend otherwise.

&*&*&*&*&*&

It took ten minutes but the order came for six guards to escort Singh to the area where his crew slept. The moment he walked into the room Noonien felt whole for the first time since he’d laid down in his own tube in 1996.

Jim watched Singh, he could see the slight drop in his shoulders, the softening of his jaw as he unclenched it just a bit, then the tiniest of stutters in his step when he walked into the doorway of the wing holding his crew.

He watched as Singh walked directly to a specific tube. Second one on the right. He wondered who was in the tube and how Singh knew which one to go too.

Noonien looked down to the youngest of them all. Sueshila was shy to anyone she didn’t know, but once she considered you friend, it was for life. She’d been trained in the ballet, to blend in and to move from company to company for cover to ensure her movements to carry out whatever missions their handlers would have demanded of her. She was as deadly as the rest of them, but it would have weighed heavily on her. As the fates would have it, she was never called upon to use her any of her skills before they freed themselves from the labs of the organizations that had meant to use them.

Noonien had freed them all and had escaped into the less traversed parts of New Delhi. Later they had moved on to more known parts, then on to the entire region. He had become Khan, leader of all of Indio-Asia. And he had kept Sueshila from killing a single person in her eighteen years of being awake.

Jim walked to Singh, softly asking, “Your wife?”

Noonien shook his head, it was a laughable idea, but he didn’t laugh. He laid a hand on the glass, it was warm on his side, but he could feel the coolness that had kept her forever eighteen. “I suppose you would call her a surrogate daughter. She was the last of us created. She is an amazing ballerina.”

Jim was somehow shocked but not at the declaration. They had been together for years before they fled Earth and the war, of course they had created bonds between them. “How did you know she was in this tube?”

Noonien smiled a tiny smile, the one Jim had seen on the feed 16 times. He turned and ran his hand over the casing of her tube, “There is a scratch in the housing, Sueshila had a peculiar notion that if she went to sleep in a perfect coffin, she would never wake up. So she took a crowbar and scratched it.” He stopped for a moment before he continued, “She also refused to wear linen on the day of a performance. She would never explain why though.”

“She sounds like a few people I know.”

Noonien pressed his hand hard on the glass to be just that much closer to her. “I am grateful to have this chance to see her one last time. Whatever your superiors have planed for me, I am ready for it.”

Jim felt his face scrunch up again, “That I know of, they don’t have any plans for you.”

“Muhmm.”

“I did ask when I made arrangements to come here. The admiralty is still trying to figure it out. They do understand that you were cornered and pushed by Marcus.”

Noonien nodded once but accepted that it was just more likely that the admirals had not told Kirk what they were planning. He had never been an optimist, and after his time with Marcus he saw no reason to change that.

“Is there anyone else you want to see?”

Noonien shook his head no, to see all of them would be too hard. It was difficult enough to see Sueshila. He turned back to Kirk and bowed slightly, “Thank you, whatever becomes of me, I am glad of one last chance to see her. We should probably head back before we make the guards any more skittish.”

Jim smirked, he’d seen the increasing concern on the faces of the guards. Jim had stepped way to close for their comfort but he didn’t care. He would make sure that they understood it was all on him and that Singh had nothing to do with it. He hoped the Federation had gotten past the pettiness of prison beatings but he wasn’t about to hold his breath.

Once they were back to Singh’s cell, Jim told him he would ask again what plans the admiralty was considering, he said he would try to do his best to help Singh get fair treatment.

Noonien smiled at the young captain before stepping back into his cell and returning to his afternoon meditation. He was unsure how long he’d been away, so he simply counted his breaths until the guard brought his meal. Durning the remainder of his meditation he allowed himself the rare torture of remembering the happier times that he had lived briefly after they had left the labs.

Jim made it back to his quarters and to his comm unit in time to see the 18th smile.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim fell asleep listening to the sound of Singh’s breathing, to the soft nearly silent exhalation.

In the morning Jim woke up to see sea-green eyes staring at the camera. Today was the first day Jim had ever seen them on camera. He smiled a little and made a few calls.

Five calls, to meet for an early lunch at a cafe near his apartment. He had a plan, and he had less than six months to get it together.

&*&*&*&*&*&

McCoy’s jaw dropped before it snapped shut then opened again to launch into a tirade, “You wanna what? Are you out of your corn-fed mind? You wanna brin' a known terrorist, one who’s already killed you once, onto your ship for a mission of undetermined length? You wanna brin' him on board and let him roam free!”

Jim sighed, this was going about as well as he thought it would. “I did not say that. I said, I think having him on board would be a good way of A: rehabilitating him and B: getting him to use his talents for the real Starfleet, and not Marcus’s shadow empire.”

Selek nearly flinched at the choice of words, remembering the Terran Empire and the ruthlessness of the human’s who had lived in that universe.

“Captain, if I may point out that we are not equipped with the needed security features or personnel to house such a criminal,” Spock tried to reason with his friend, logic said Khan was quite acceptable in his current location.

“Guys, come on, give me a little credit,” Jim pulled out a couple PADDs and handed them to his crew; Bones and Spock took one, Selek and Nyota (he got to call her that, for now, Jim was sure she was going to take that privilege away before she left the café). Scotty ripped the third one from Jim’s hand with a nasty glare. The Scotsman still hadn’t forgiven his captain for punching him or for dying on them all.

Spock took a breath to say something but shook his head and scrolled through the PADD screen after the doctor nodded.

Selek sat back after a moment and tried to keep the trepidation and the pride away. The proposal his young friend had put together was detailed and nearly perfect. No plan could ever be 100% fool-proof. But this one was as good as.

Bones shook his head and threw the PADD on the table, hoping it would break and take the asinine bullshit he’d just read with it. “You’re fuckin' nuts, certifiable as they use to say.”

“Come on Bones, redemption, we’re supposed to offer that to prisoners, a chance to become better citizens, to learn. We owe him that much.”

“We don’t owe him anything, God Damn It,” McCoy groused.

“Bones he didn’t know his crew was alive.”

Wide eyed McCoy jerked back, “What, no one ever messed with his crew.”

“He didn’t know you’d taken them out of the torpedos and no one had bothered to tell him. He didn’t think to ask because he believed Spock had used them. Marcus would have been cruel enough to do it, so how could he be sure we wouldn’t.”

Bones sighed, “I don’t think we owe him this much,” he waved a hand at the discarded PADD, “but I can’t see anything wrong with your idea, so long as he sticks to it. I don’t know that he can.”

“I do. And I’m betting my life on it.”

Spock tried again to reason with his friend, “Jim, you would in fact be betting all of our lives.”

“I know,” Jim sighed, “but from what I saw before I had Scotty stun him and from what I’ve seen over the last few weeks, on top of everything I saw today… I have to try.”

“Jim, this is crazy, and I really hate your sense of justice.” Jim smiled, he’d won Nyota, he looked to the last person, the one who he still had so much to make up too. “Scotty?”

Montgomery glared at his friend, “You are daft, madder than a hatter, I tell ya. You want to bring that sociopath on board and have us treat him like he’s one of our own. You want him to work around systems that could kill us all with the push of a few buttons. You want the man who is the reason I watched Spock cry, on to our lady. You had better go back for another series of tests, Jim. Because this is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had, and I’m including your trip into the core on that list.”

“Scotty, don’t you get it? The warp core wasn’t his fault, that was all on Marcus. The only thing Singh did to us was to knock us out on the bridge of the Vengeance after we stunned him. Marcus did everything else, all of it. Singh actually did everything he could to make sure he only hurt personnel from Starfleet.”

“As if that makes things better,” Scotty complained.

Bones snorted, “And I seem to remember a certain building blowing up?”

Selek cleared his throat, “As much as I may want to lay the blame on Mr. Singh’s shoulders, he did in fact clear all non-Starfleet personnel from the area. And of the casualties from the Archive, only one was not found to be a current member of Marcus’s sub-group of Section 31. But from the individuals I have spoken to, it was apparent that it was only a matter of time before he was brought into the fold. Mr. Singh’s actions eliminated several higher ranking members. He helped the ‘Fleet greatly,” Selek tipped his head before adding, “if one ignores the need for trials and such.”

Bones tried again, “And crashing the Vengeance into the harbor?”

Jim countered before Selek could say anything, “It was crashing, the commands he gave actually saved lives, he tried to reach HQ but in doing so avoided several of the Universities and residential areas. The Federation doesn’t have a habit of charging people for intent on malicious thoughts.”

“Do I get a vote, or am I going to have to quit and call you Captain Perfect Hair again?” Scotty complained.

Jim grabbed Scotty’s shoulder, “Montgomery, he did not hurt anyone needlessly, he helped us until we stopped helping him.”

Scotty sighed, shaking his head. “I never had a chance did I?”

Jim shrugged, “Maybe.”

Scotty threw up his hands, “Fine, fine. Bring the sociopath on board.”

Jim sighed one more time. “He isn’t a sociopath or psychopath.” He held up a hand to stop all the comments, “I’m not actually saying he’s completely sane, but are any of us? We go out into space with nothing between us but bit of metal, a thousand things can go wrong at any second as Bones likes to remind us. So let’s cut him a little bit of slack? Besides, we know his history because his victors wrote it.”

The crew and Selek all nodded once. They also knew that Jim still had to get the plans for rehabilitating the man through all of the admiralty and the prison board. Having met Jim though, they knew this was something that was going to happen. Once the man made up his mind there was little any of them could do to change it. Hence the fact they had not been able to get him out of his room for days because of the very person they were discussing.

&*&*&*&*&*&

It took six meetings and another five weeks before Jim got his way. He argued that since he had started to visit Singh he had begun to interact with his guards, always peacefully, he had never once tried to attack them, intimidate them or shown even a hint of his previous personality. Jim argued that the king out of time owed him the largest debt of all and that paying it directly to the captain would be the best course of action. They eventually agreed but demanded daily check in’s with Singh, allowing for time to increase between check-ins if his behavior continued as Jim swore it would.

Jim was allowed to inform Singh of his new assignment, which he wasted no time in doing.

“Kirk, people are going to talk if you continue to grace me with your presence.”

Jim laughed, “Well, pretty soon thats going to be hard to do. I’ve convinced the prison board and the admiralty to have your rehabilitation moved to a more suitable location.”

“Are you going to tell me where this facility is?”

Jim smirked at the slight irritation in Singh’s voice. “Not far from here, and actually I know the guy that runs it. He’ll be fair.” Jim had no idea why he was jerking Singh along like this, mostly he thought it was to see if he could tease the augment.

“I appreciate what ever political collateral you cashed in on my behalf.”

Jim shrugged, he had cashed in quite a few favors to get his way, but he had a feeling they would be re-stocked soon enough. The first day of his Starfleet career had shown him that. “It wasn’t much really. Just called in a favor or two.”

“Favors with wardens and prison boards?”

“Prison boards, yes, wardens, no.” Jim let his grin show as he leaned against the conference table outside of Singh’s cell, “You are being transferred into a work release program, and will be required to report daily to your parol officer, then as you prove yourself it will be changed to weekly, then monthly. It wasn’t mentioned yet but I’m guessing you’ll prove yourself enough that eventually you’ll be processed out completely and be free to live your own life.”

Noonien stood up for the first time and walked to the barrier, “And my crew? Will they be forced to live in this hole if I do not prove myself?”

Jim flinched, he hadn’t been able to do much about the sleeping augments. There were too many unanswered questions about them. “I tried. I tried to get them to agree to wake them. Argued that holding your actions against them was unfair, but your actions spoke pretty loudly,” Jim kept his voice soft and tried to show his earnestness in his tone.

Noonien shook his head, “You are not so different from Marcus.”

“Mr. Singh, you killed hundreds of people, unintentionally or not. No one knows how your crew will react to what Marcus did to you, or what you have done. So yes, Command and the Board wants you to prove that you can be a functioning member of society before they wake others of your crew.”

Noonien understood, but he didn’t have to like it. He was again being blackmailed with his crew. This time it was a situation of his own making. He shook his head, and asked, “Where am I to serve my sentence?”

“With me.”

Noonien stopped his pacing and looked at Kirk, “Excuse me?”

“You are being turned over to me and the crew of the Enterprise. You will be assigned quarters next to mine, you’ll have to wear a location bracelet at all times and your access will be restricted heavily, at first. But as time goes on things will change.” Jim flinched at the next bit, “You are required to attend anger management classes, and a to have weekly psychological session with the ship’s councilor.”

“To prove my progression towards being a functioning member of society?” Noonien all but growled.

“For several reasons,” Kirk ran a hand through his hair, he really didn’t want to explain this to Singh but he was going to have to, “Look, you’ve seen what our technology can do now. We know a fair bit about your past without you saying a word. You may have been genetically engineered to be better, but you are still suffering from PTSD, not only from what Marcus did, but everything else you’ve gone through before you set foot on the Botany Bay.”

“You know nothing,” Singh growled and turn to stalk away from the bright blue eyes burning a hole into his soul. Well, if he had a soul that is.

“Noonien,” Jim sighed, trying the man’s first name. “The first time you had a bone broken you were about 3. It was your left wrist. It was re-broken three years later. McCoy knows you’re actually left handed but you use your right more. He knows that nearly every bone in your body has been broken at one time or another, mostly when you were still growing. He’s actually surprised that you are as tall as you are because he knows when the growth plates in your ankles were broken. He knows exactly how many of the twentieth centuries viruses and illnesses you’ve been exposed to directly, and not through vaccination. You have your own antibodies to them, not ones that grow from vaccines of the time. He also knows that originally you couldn’t have children.”

Noonien stopped moving the moment Kirk had spoken his name. It had been so long since he’d heard anyone address him by his name, centuries, in fact. “So does he have a count on the number of times I’ve had sex?” Despite the feeling of elation at hearing his name, Noonien couldn’t keep himself from lashing out, at least verbally.

“Our tech's not that good,” Jim answered, he did refrain form mentioning that the scanners had picked up mild scaring and both the doctor and the captain tried to avoid thinking of what it could mean, considering.

“What of your crew? I can imagine their reaction to this situation.”

Jim sighed, “They are less than thrilled, but are willing to give you a chance.”

“And my position on the ship?”

“It’s a little bit up in the air for now. Sort of a jack of all trades so to speak, least until we find the best fit for you. I know from the record that Marcus created for you, that you can do just about anything on a starship, and I doubt he documented everything.”

“Do I have any say in what this best fit will be?” Noonien kept the anger and the fear out of his voice.

“Yes, I really do mean for this to be an opportunity for you. I want you to be able to talk to Sueshila and the others again.”

He nodded once, then Noonien pushed the hope back into a little box. “When?"

Jim shrugged, “It’s still going to be a month or so. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done to the ship. What I can do for you now, is give you some of the basic course work for the enlisted crew.”

Noonien shook his head, but then nodded. “Fine, anything to break the monotony.”

Jim called to the guard, a moment later he opened the door with a handful of PADDs. “There’s two years worth of course work here. I’m betting you’ll be done by the time the ship is ready.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Jim’s smile was wide and it lite up his eyes, “I doubt you’re going to fail at your first assigned task.”

“No, sir,” Singh figured he had better get use to calling Kirk and everyone around him sir or ma’am.

“I’m tied up in meetings for the next few days, so you’ll have plenty of time to hit the books.”

Noonien quirked an eyebrow, “Why do I doubt they still use that phrase?”

Jim laughed, “No idea, but we do still use it. 'Time to hit the data PADDs, just never took off.”

Noonien crushed the flutter that started near his stomach at the sound of a pure laugh from Kirk. That was not a distraction he needed; now or ever.

&*&*&*&*&*&

The days flew by, and before Noonien knew it, he was walking down the corridors of the Enterprise again. Only the guard count was considerably smaller this time, consisting of only two prison transfer guards and two of Enterprise’s security forces, jokingly called ‘red shirts’. There seemed to be a growing myth about them, it seemed that at least one died on every mission.

His two red shirts stopped, one of them keying in a code that had the doors sliding open to show the captain and first officer. This was the first time Noonien had seen the Vulcan since their fight. He stopped short and got an elbow in the side from one of the transfer guards. Noonien was shocked when all four Enterprise crew snapped at the guard on his behalf. The two transfer guards seemed just as startled by the outcry.

Kirk snapped his hand out while barking, “Transfer papers, now.”

A PADD was slipped past Noonien’s shoulder and he watched as Kirk snatched it free and quickly scrolled through pages of data. He finally reached the bottom and pressed his thumb to the screen. He handed it back to the guard and growled, “Now get off my ship.”

“Captain, I fail to understand the logic in not reading the transfer orders.”

Noonien watched as Kirk sighed and dropped his head to his chest, “Spock, do you really think I’m that stupid? No wait, don’t answer that.” Jim shook his head, “I already know what it says, I helped write it. And before you suggest the prison board of pulling a fast one on me and changing something, so did the admiralty. No one on the board of commissioners would be stupid enough to put their heads into that guillotine.”

Spock tipped his head, accepting the captain’s words without saying he was wrong.

Jim turned to the two remaining red shirts. “Thank you gentlemen, you’re dismissed.”

“Yes sir,” both men replied before leaving the room.

With a hand wave, Jim asked, “So Mr. Singh, does this meet your expectations?”

Noonien was startled yet again, this was to be his room, he decided to voice his surprise. “Captain, when you said I would have quarters next to yours, I did assume you meant something closer to a converted storage room.”

Jim shook his head, “I am not Marcus. And I am not any of the people you grew up knowing. I will treat you like a human being because you are. You deserve the same rights as anyone else serving on my crew. The privileges, however, you will have to earn.”

“I am not complaining, just stating an assumption based on previous experience.”

“If anyone on this ship treats you with anything but respect I do expect to be informed. I’m not naïve enough to assume there isn’t going to be a healthy dose of contempt or loathing, but my crew needs to be able to work with someone they don’t like, with respect.”

“I doubt I will receive much respect if I tattle on the people who treat me otherwise.” Noonien looked at the bed in the corner and squashed the hope of it being something other than a hard surface. He changed the topic from one he figured would quickly escalate to one he needed to know the answer to, “How many guards will be watching me?”

Jim pointed to the table nearby before sitting a high back chairs, “Why don’t we sit down and have this conversation like crew mates?” He sighed, “Never wear new boots on inspection day, no matter how tempting it is.”

Noonien watched the Vulcan lift a single eyebrow and give one head shake. He was pretty sure he’d just watched a Vulcan roll his eyes.

“So you won’t have a guard, per se. Each of the crew you will be working with have agreed to be part of your parole and rehab. You will have an escort to and from your duty station, for now. For the foreseeable future, I will be sitting in on your calls to your parole officer. That was a Board demand. If I’m unavailable, Mr. Spock is allowed to attend in my stead. You also have your anger management and counseling sessions to see too. You are being given the pay of a ensign with three years of service.” Jim sighed, “This is also a board thing,” and with a head shake he said, “I have control over your account, I have no idea why they think you can’t manage your own pay. I have a feeling they are trying to make sure you don’t buy anything illegal, or dangerous. I won’t micro-manage your money but by the rules I had to agree with to get you here, I will look over you account.” Jim ran a hand over his face, as if he was already exhausted. “Let’s see what else, for now you're mostly confined to your quarters, but you're free to use the ships library for any learning or entertainment programs you want. Oh, uh crap, this is a Command thing, no fraternizing with the crew,” Jim blushed, “um, the enlisted crew, right now command wants you only dealing with the officers. I think that’s a little more to do with security clearances and what happened with me, than anything else. Very few of the crew know I actually died. Most think I was just heavily irradiated and Bones pulled one his ‘rabbit out of a hat’ tricks that he saves up for me.”

Noonien raised an eyebrow of his own at the claim. “One of his tricks? How many times has Dr. McCoy needed to save you, Captain?”

“Even I cannot count that high, Mr. Singh,” Spock spoke to Noonien for the first time. “Mr. Singh, I would like to say before we most work together, that I am ashamed that I used your crew against you, and that you were left to believe that they were dead for months. No one should be forced to grieve for loved ones and friends who still live. I will not apologize for attacking you in the city, only for the lack of logic I displayed in trying to kill you. My race became pacifists for a reason. If we allow our emotions to run free, as I did that day, there can only be bloodshed.”

“I know a bit about that, Mr. Spock.”

“I suppose you do.”

“There will be an officers meeting at 0900 tomorrow morning. We plan on officially announcing your transfer to the ship then. They all know but I will be able to introduce you to everyone, they can get their concerns out in the open and then we can move on. It’s nearly 1730, let’s say we head to the mess and get a bit off food. I’m starving.” Jim stood up, then turned back to Noonien, “Wait, damn it I’ve been gonna ask. Are you like always hungry? Because since I woke up from the coma, I swear I’ve got two hollow legs.”

“Captain that is a wholly illogical statement, if your legs were hollow they would not have to proper density to hold your form.”

Noonien couldn’t do anything but stare as the two quickly started to bicker. This was the pair Marcus was so worried about? This was the duo that had taken down the Romulan, Nero? He shook his head and cleared his throat to interrupt to men. “To answer your question, Captain, yes I am nearly always hungry. There are a few supplements I can discuss with Dr. McCoy that may help you.”

Jim’s eyebrows crunched in confusion. He had seen every record of Singh’s time in prison. He hadn’t been getting any sort of supplement. “Is this something you should be taking?”

“I have grown accustom too doing without - sir.” Noonien clenched down on the urge to sneer the word sir. Kirk was nothing like Marcus or any of the handlers who he had had to deal with during various stages of his life.

Spock almost frowned, this level self-sacrifice did not seem to meet what he knew of the augment, “Mr. Singh, you are a member of this crew with a dietary requirement. We will ensure it is met.”

“There is no need,” Noonien tried to stop the Vulcan from continuing. He had no need for the crew to think he was receiving special treatment.

“On the contrary, it is required that Starfleet meet all dietary needs of any crew member serving. There are certain minerals I require that are not available through replicated food. At present all Vulcan’s must take the supplement. The captain has several he must take due to his unique health status.”

“Yeah, though they have dropped since the infusion, but there’s six still I need to take.”

Noonien didn’t know how to react anymore. These two were unlike anything he’d ever experience before. Even when he had first woken and Marcus was trying to be a ‘nice guy’, he had been unable to get the specialized supplements that made it easier on his body to absorb the nutrients from food. He could exist quit well without it. But he would not have to fight as much to retain weight if he had it.

“There are plenty of crew that have to take something because it’s unique to their planet and can’t be synthesized. Besides if Bones is going to make it for me, there’s no point in not making it for you. Come on, let’s head to the mess and talk to him about this. He’s been mad at me because I always lose weight to easily. Now if I’m not eating nearly five thousand calories a day, I drop a pound a day. I do not have time to eat that much food.”

Noonien relented and let the two men escort him from his room to the officer’s mess.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim watched his officers try to keep their personal opinions about their forced table-mate to themselves. He watched Scotty the closest. He had been the most reluctant and the most adamant that Singh not be brought on board; even more so than Spock. Jim wanted to know how they would interact together, because of Singh’s skills he was slated to work under the Chief Engineer the most. So far Scotty had been ignoring the augment but not to the point of being rude.

Checkoff had been glaring at the man more than Scotty until Uhura kicked him under the table. From then on he had only looked at his food.

“Mr. Checkoff, if you have a problem with me please speak it. I find that meeting things head on is much better than letting them fester.”

Checkoff’s head snapped up and his face went white.

“What is it Checkoff?” Jim asked.

“He damaged the warp core,” Checkoff boldly stated.

“I, in fact, did not damage the core. I was not responsible for the captain’s demise. There was a member of Section 31 on board that did it under Admiral Marcus’s orders. He knew what your crew was capable of. If the captain had followed the orders given the core would have never been tampered with. Because the bombing of Kronos would have been enough to start the war he wanted, and you would have been killed by the Klingons.”

“Marcus really wanted us dead that badly?” Sulu asked.

“Several high ranking members in his group did. You were too willing to work for the greater good of the Starfleet that was and not the Starfleet they wanted.”

Jim debated the topic for a moment before he brought it up. He had spoken to Spock about it, as well as to Selek. “We have confirmation of universes similar to ours but with significant differences. When Selek was younger he traveled to one of these universes. He called it the Mirror Universe. His alternate version came to his Enterprise and made a bit of a mess along with Sulu and Checkoff’s as well. He said that there wasn’t a Federation at all. There was a Terran Empire. They were cut throat and merciless. They were feared and conquered any planet not run be humans. I think Marcus would have been happy there.”

Scotty coughed trying not to snort the coffee he had just taken a drink from. Uhura also coughed but Jim thought it was more to cover a groan at Jim’s declaration.

“It is very likely,” Noonien agreed. “He certainly had the temperament and ideology. Torture was something he was already well versed in.”

That brought everyone at the table up short.

Noonien sighed and answered the question before it could be asked, knowing that if he didn’t, everyone at the table would find him individually and ask then. “Yes, I was tortured nearly daily after the second month I was awake. I know the doctor has seen the lingering results of it. Would you care to share doctor?”

“Not really, I’m eating. Torture puts me off eating,” McCoy said with a large bite of scalloped potatoes half way to his mouth. “And Chef made a damn good scalloped potatoes.”

Most of the table chuckled, Spock could even be seen nodded in agreement and took a bite of his own scalloped potatoes. “It is nearly as good as my mother’s.”

“How is your father, Mr. Spock?” Checkoff asked.

“He is well, Mr. Checkoff. He has been kept busy with the designing and building of the new Earth embassy on Tehk Vuhlkansu.”

Uhura kept a straight face but Noonien caught the merriment that flashed in her eyes. “Ms. Uhura?”

“The new planet’s name proves that Vulcans do have a sense of humor,” she explained.

“Well, don’t leave us guessing,” Sulu demanded.

She raised an eyebrow and tipped her head to the side looking at Spock. Instead of nodding his head, Spock answered for her. “It translates directly to Sprout Vulcan. It is intended to mean Young Vulcan, but no one could agree to call it Kan-Vuhlkansu.”

“Oh,” Jim chuckled, “but Baby Vulcan would have been so cute.” Jim leaned carefully and bumped his shoulder against Spock’s.

“You speak Vulcan, Captain?” Noonien asked.

Jim shook his head, “Not fluently. I can understand enough, I read more than I can speak.”

“The captain can read and understand, what three dozen languages?” Uhura added.

Jim shook his head with a shoulder shrug, “I have no clue, I don’t have a count. I generally couldn’t pronounce them correctly so I stopped trying and just went for a proficiency in reading and comprehension.” Jim grinned and looked Uhura with bright, wide eyes, “Besides, that’s what I have you for.”

Uhura shook her head in response, but it was nice that Kirk could back her up if something happened to her or the UT.

“How many languages are you fluent in, Ms. Uhura?” Noonien asked.

“Shree sinh se adhik.”

Noonien smiled at the sound of a language of his youth and her claim that she spoke more than enough. “Aapaka lahaja achook hai,” he replied letting her know how unnoticeable her accent was.

“Dhanyavaad.”

“Hey, no fair,” Jim grouched not knowing what the two were saying.

“Did you not learn Hindi?” Noonien asked.

“No, I missed that one,” Jim explained with a frown.

Checkoff took that as a challenge to see if he could get away with speaking Russian near the captain, “Kak naschet russkogo, kapitan?”

Checkoff’s face fell when Jim answered, “Da, that one I know.”

Sulu cracked a smile and with in his own Japanese asked if Kirk understood him, “Soshite nihonjin, sā?” Sulu was not surprised to hear, “Hai,” in response.

Scotty was next to try out Jim’s linguists talents, “Agus mo chànan fhìn, Seumas?”

“No changing my name, Scotty. And yes I understand Gaelic. Do not ask me to pronounce a single word of it.”

“Lugha yoyote za Afrika, Kapteni Kirk?” Uhura could not pass up the chance to try her home language, so jumped on the bandwagon.

“Okay, okay, yes I can understand everyone but Singh. Jeez guys, give me a break.”

Spock, who spoke nearly as many languages as Uhura, tried a language he had grown up hearing, “Qu'en est-il du français, monsieur?”

“Tu as trouvé la deuxième langue que je peux parler, Spock,” the table broke out in laughter again, at Kirk’s claim to speak French. “I didn’t say I could speak it without an accent.” Even though Jim had left Iowa years ago it was very clearly heard when he spoke French.

“Commander Spock, you speak French?” Checkoff asked.

“Oui, when I was young my aunt moved to Canada and needed to learn French. When she spoke to my mother they spoke French. It is very simple for Vulcan children to learn multiple languages, so as a result I learned to speak Vulcan, Terran Standard and French simultaneously. I learned Spanish and Italian quickly there after due to their similarities, as well as Latin.”

“I am sure all of my languages but Hindi are rusty. I have not spoken anything but English since I woke. Save for the few words of Hindi a moment ago.”

Uhura flipped her hair over her should and asked the man who had caused Spock an exceptional amount of pain, “So I always ask people who speak more than one language, what language do you think in?”

Noonien stopped short at the linguist question. “English, it was the first language I learned. Then we learned Hindi and as a choice those of us from the New Delhi labs spoke it. I have never stopped to think what language I thought in.”

She shrugged this time, “No one does. I never thought about it until I came across a fictional story where the characters had the first words spoken to them by their soulmates tattooed on their arm. One of the character’s words kept changing languages. It turned out his soulmate thought in what ever language she was learning and therefore currently speaking. It made me wonder about other multilingual people.”

“And you?’’

“Swahili, I learned English or what we call Standard at five. The first five years was enough to cement my thought process.”

Noonien nodded in understanding. He also realizes that everyone’s plates were empty and that most of the tension towards him was gone.

“Have you had the opportunity to learn three dimensional chess, Mr. Singh?”

Noonien raised an eyebrow, “Three dimensional chess? I did not know such a thing existed.”

“The captain and I play regularly, we are very well matched. Perhaps after a few lessons, you could be an equally talented opponent?”

“I was able to beat the labs Grand Master at 13,” Noonien offered.

Spock turned to the captain and simply said, “Captain?”

“Think it’s my turn tonight, so. Everyone, it’s been a good night, now I have to go teach Mr. Singh how to beat the pants off Mr. Spock,” Jim stood up and clapped his hands together, then rubbed them together, “this going to be amazing.”

Uhura looked over to where Singh was sitting and told him that Kirk was the only one who could ever beat Spock.“Kirk akela hai jo Spock ko hara sakata hai.”

Noonien smirked thanking her by telling her that he would have a good teacher, “Tab mere paas ek utkrsht shikshak hoga.”

“No fair speaking the only language the rest of us can’t understand,” Kirk complained again.

“Then I suggest Sir, you learn Hindi quickly.” Uhura sat back and smiled

Jim sighed, he enjoyed learning a new language even if it was likely he’d never speak it. He certainly didn’t have the time to dedicate to it right now. “I’m all over it.”

Noonien saw the displeasure in his new CO’s eyes. He decided that he would help Kirk after all they had to spend a considerable amount of time together to satisfy the requirements of his parole.

&*&*&*&*&*&

The next day Scott walked Noonien to his first day on duty. It was nothing glamours or challenging, he was just cleaning conduits. But it was work that needed to be done. Though Noonien questioned how much build up there could be since they just launched from space dock and a re-fit.

That was where he was when he heard the announcement that he was onboard and if anyone had any questions where and when to meet the captain. Noonien bit down on the urge to tell the man what he was thinking. He wanted to show up and let the vitriol flow over him. He wasn’t in charge anymore. Furthermore, if he ever wanted to see any of the others again, he had to keep his tongue in his head.

Noonien understood that no matter what Kirk had said, he had a guard. This one just happened to be about three feet tall and one of the oddest looking non-Terrans he’d seen to date. Keenser wouldn’t let him out of his site. Every section he worked through the little Royalian would follow him to the next one. This kept on all day until Scott tracked them down and escorted the augment to the officer’s mess for their evening meal.

He asked how many people he had to avoid and was told a number so low he thought Kirk had to be lying to him. He was sure he would have kept believing he was being lied to until Spock backed him up. He knew the reputation that Vulcan’s don’t lie, but that in itself was a lie. They did when it was logical. But it wasn’t logical to lie to him about this. He would eventually find out one way or another.

The dinner conversation was centered-around the various conversations Kirk had had with his crew and how he had dealt with their concerns. After everyone finished, Spock and Kirk returned to their quarters with Singh, the pair again choosing Kirk’s quarters for Singh’s next lesson in tri-d chess.

That was the pattern for the next month.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Noonien’s calls back to Earth and his parol officer were going from once a day to every three days next week. He had worked with all of the bridge officers at one time or another, and he continued to live. He’d gotten a bad case of frostbite from Lt. Uhura and even the tiny Ensign Checkoff proved that his stature meant nothing if he felt his family could be in danger. Noonien hadn’t been intimidated but he had been impressed at how much and how well the twenty year old ensign could dish out grunt work.

Noonien kept his thoughts to himself, speaking only what he had too to keep the psychologist happy. He did find an acceptable, if not surprising out let and a sparring partner, in Commander Spock. Their strength was nearly matched, as was their speed and stamina. Noonien understood now exactly how badly Kirk’s death had effected the man. While remembering the knock-down-drag-out brawl he had been in with the green blooded man on the garbage scow, he compared it to the now swift, elegant and almost ethereal movements of the man who regularly knocked Noonien on his ass, he understood. He had pushed the Vulcan to such a point that he had forgotten every move he knew, he had pushed him to the point of nothing but a blind rage.

They both fought hard and tried for blood. Spock was the first to score having dislocated Noonien’s shoulder once, then Noonien had managed to dislocated the Vulcan’s wrist. McCoy had not been pleased by either injury and treated them with barely contained anger. Kirk was just as upset but considerably more vocal about his anger.

&*&*&*&*&*&

There was however, something that was bothering him that he couldn’t take out on Mr. Spock.

For a week straight, he had been woken by erotic dreams. He’d woken to sheets soaked in sweat and a definite tenting at his waist. He was sure if he took one more cold shower he would be eligible for membership in the old Earth group he’d heard about once, The Polar Bear Club. He’d tried everything he could to stop the dreams. But even an augment had his breaking point.

Noonien’s came when Spock was called from their chess game to one of the science labs. He was in Kirk’s quarters, alone, with the man who had been haunting his dreams.

“You gonna move?”

Noonien shook his head, snapping himself back to reality. “Forgive me, I was caught up in a bit of a daydream.”

“Must have been a pretty good one.”

“A possibility,” Noonien tipped his head to the side, his voice was a lot softer than he’d intended.

Jim didn’t point out that Singh had been daydreaming while staring directly at his lips. He didn’t mind the attention, he found it quite complementary. He sort of hoped the augment would act on his possibility daydream.

They finished the game, Kirk winning. When the pair put the set away Jim let his hand linger over pieces. He wondered if he should maybe look for his sanity. He wondered if some of his common sense hadn’t melted when he’d died. He was trying to low-key flirt with the man that had wanted his crew dead. Well, the man who had wanted everyone dead, but for valid reasons.

Noonien saw the hesitation in Kirk’s movements, knew the fingers pausing to pick up a pawn here or a knight there, was a little bit of a test. He returned the small gestures, not adding anything else, yet.

When he stood to leave he was confronted with Kirk two inches from his face, those lips so close, so kissable, so tempting. “Ready to go for the night?”

“Possibly.”

Jim smirked, leaning in just far enough to tempt the man even more.

Noonien came to his senses when he felt Kirk shiver under his lips. He pulled back and saw those brilliant blue eyes had gone flinty grey. He chased after one last shiver before pushing away. He took some of the hardest steps of his life when he walked away from his captain.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim leaned against the bulkhead fighting down the desire. “Yep, dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Worse than going into the damn core.”

“Jim.”

Kirk startled and jerked at the sound of Spock’s voice. “I know Spock. I know. Just said it was the dumbest thing ever, didn’t I?”

Spook watched the contentment drain from his friend, even while dressing himself down, he’d been happy. It dawned on Spock that in all the years he’d known Jim he’d never seen him that happy. “Yes, Jim you did.”

“Going to lecture me?”

“No, I will not lecture you. What you are saying in your own mind will be much more self-critical than anything I would say to you.”

“Possibly,” Jim sighs out with a very distinct accent.

Spock raised an eyebrow at hearing Signh’s very British sounding accent coming from his mid-western captain, but only because Jim’s eyes were closed and he could not see the reaction. “Go to bed Jim, it is late and you are over tired.”

“Probably a good idea,” Jim levered himself off the wall and stumbled to his bed. “Why do you put up with my stupidity Spock? You could have your own ship anytime you wanted. You could do anything you wanted.” Spock helped pull a tunic from a suddenly exhausted Jim. Jim managed to kick off his boots under his own power before flopping back onto his bed. “I should stay as far away from his as I can.”

“Jim,” Spock spoke softly, moving the blankets to cover his friend, “I think it is in your very blood to be drawn to him.”

Jim snorted, “You made a funny for me.”

“Only for you, my friend, sleep and maybe the universe will make sense in the morning.”

Jim rolled over, “Never has before, why should it start now.”

Spock shook his head, calling for the computer to dim the lights to the captain’s specifications. He would watch his friend tomorrow to ensure that he ate and was kept busy.

&*&*&*&*&*&

In the morning Spock wrangled Jim and sent him down to Scotty and Engineering. Spock also commandeered Singh from Scotty and had him working on low priority data, ensuring Jim had time away from the man to help his friend find his balance.

“I won’t pursue him.”

Spock raised an eyebrow but responded, “I said nothing,” though he had been waiting for augment to start the conversation. He had been certain the man’s first words would tell him what he needed to know, and they did.

Noonien sighed, “You didn’t have too, your silence is speaking volumes. You brought me here, and sent Kirk to Scott. You are sitting watch over me. My guess would be you walked in on him before he composed himself.”

“You’re deduction would be correct.”

“I could say he started it.”

“You could but you wont, it is mutual. Selek and I foresaw this weeks ago. Jim is not often prone to this level of obsession. Jim is obsessive with his work, his goals. His personal life could be in ashes around him and he will carry on. The fact that you have any hold on him, speaks for its self.”

Noonien looked up for the data he’d been reviewing into the dark brown eyes of his XO. “I understand the lengths you will go to keep him safe, even from himself.”

“Mr. Singh, you misunderstand me, while I have no data, I know you will be…good for each other. I have a bond with Jim that I cannot adequately describe to anyone, including my father. But it is one that allows me to understand a few things about him. I knew as he was climbing up the warp core, that he was in trouble, but I did not know what kind. I felt that bond fray and snap, as I felt my mother’s; as I felt all the periphery bonds from my extended family when Vulcan fell. The loose of yet another bond was one of the factors for my behavior that day. Another, was the fact that it was Jim, his bond is the strongest next to my father’s. To feel it snap was actually worse than feeling my mother’s break. I did not know what I was facing when she died, I did when Jim died. Knowing that you had nothing to do with the sabotage, only adds to the guilt and the regret for my actions.”

Noonien was surprised at what appeared to be a second apology, “You did apologize the day I returned to the ship.”

“I am aware. I felt it needed elaboration. When I returned to the captain’s quarters last night it was to him telling himself how pursuing a relationship with you would be the dumbest thing he could do. Even worse than climbing into the core. He is aware of how others would see the relationship, as well as how difficult it would be for both of you.”

“Yet you are not warning me off,” Noonien stood to his full height allowing all of his powerful aura to show. “You could even be said to be encouraging me. You are the last person in this universe, or any other, that I would expect to encourage anything but me kissing the man’s boots.”

“If that is something you enjoy you will have to take that up with Jim. I try desperately to avoid anything to do with the captain’s sex life.”

Noonien laughed, the look of almost horror showing in the green toned man’s eyes was all it took. He could imagine some of the things Jim had gotten up too if even a few of the tales he’d heard while awake and even more since boarding the ship were true.

He might have looked up his captain at the first chance he got. In his time there had been tabloids and he had a feeling that most of the articles he’d found about Kirk had run along that verity. The number of species and sexes Kirk supposedly had slept with wouldn’t allow the man much time to actually captain a garbage scow, let alone the Federation’s flag ship.

“I will save you the horror, bootlicking has never been in my sexual repertoire. And I have serious doubt it would ever be added.”

Spock held back the smile, this man would be good for his friend, if you over look the entire debacle with Marcus. If nothing else, he would keep Jim on his toes trying to keep up with Singh. The man had become a project for Jim, at first it had disturbed Spock how much Jim was fixating on the man. Now Spock was sure it had the potential to be the best thing for them both. “We should conclude our work and leave for the mess hall. Lunch will being in 35 minutes.”

Noonien nodded once and went back to the data he’d been reviewing. His mind was only half on the data, the other half was thinking of how best to proceed with Kirk.

Just before they left the lab the pair had been working in, Spock stopped Noonien, “Teach him Hindi. Jim’s biggest regret is that he cannot speak more languages. I knew previously that he spoke French, even badly. I had served with Captain Pike before I met Jim. They spoke it frequently, however I have had no logical reason to use the language with him. I also knew if I just started to speak French with him he would become embarrassed by his accent.”

Noonien nodded and thanked his XO for the help. He had planned on it, but had not figured out a way to start. Perhaps if he just started adding words as he spoke it would be enough, for now.

&*&*&*&*&*&

There were only a few of the officers in the mess hall when they gathered, too many people with other tasks requiring their attention. Each person was the head of a department after all, the exception being Checkoff. Noonien decided to make a small game of teach the captain Hindi. “Captain, pass the namak, please.”

Jim looked at Singh, “The what?”

“The namak, the salt.”

“Guessing that was Hindi?”

“Yes,” he answered but didn’t elaborate or explain.

Jim could see it a mile away, he’d had a melt down last night, granted it was a tiny one, and Spock had sent him to go play grease monkey for Scotty. Now after working with Spock all morning, Ensign Singh was suddenly teaching him Hindi, word by word. Everyone in his world was crazy, they had to be.

They did put up with him, after all.

That was how every interaction with Singh went for the next few weeks. Jim had learned the words for salt, door, star, queen (he already knew the one for king), egg, toe (because he stubbed his one night), cup, warp and core, though separately since Noonien wasn’t sure if a word had been created and hadn’t looked through any database to see. Jim had picked up a few things on his own through his studying and Noonien had been thrilled when Jim had said Good morning to him the first time. He had even over looked and not commented on the very think accent Jim had and had replied with his own, “Shubh prabhaat.”

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim was off kilter again. He had an individual meeting with Singh’s parole officer and he was a little nervous. He was trying to decide how much to say on the man without it sounding too compromised.

“Captain, why do you think his behavior is so vastly different?”

Jim shook his head, that was a stupid question, but then no one had bothered to take the time to get to know the man, “That’s simple. Noonien Singh is a good man. When he’s not shoved full force into a corner with no way out but through you, he’s a very good man. We all know what Admiral Marcus did to him. He felt he had no way but through, and I compounded everything but trying to have him stunned. I doubt there is very little anyone could have done to stop him from killing Marcus, but at the end of the day he did the one thing none of us would have had the stomach to do. He stopped Marcus and his empire-makers with two strikes.”

The dark skinned man looked back at the captain, when he’d been assigned this case he’d almost begged not to have it. But over the last three months he’d learned plenty about people pushed past their breaking points. Violence should never be the answer to a hurt. But Huffman was right on the edge of believing Singh had just cause for the damage he’d done. “I think that we can go to level two. I know it is considerably earlier compared to the timeline that the board proposed, but I feel that he has progressed to the point they wanted him to be at. I think they felt that he would have many incidents of insubordination and in one case, flat out dereliction of duty.”

“Someone honestly thought he was going to not show up for shift? And what, pout like a kid grounded to his room?”

“I believe that was the mental picture.”

Jim laughed at the smile that he was looking into. The dark complexion of Officer Ivory Huffman gave very little away, that smile however, gave away everything. “Yeah, I don’t really see him pouting about anything.”

Hoffman shrugged, he couldn’t either. “I’ll let you notify Mr. Singh.”

“Thanks, have a good afternoon, Officer Hoffman.” Jim closed out the comm and sighed. He had another call to make. “Lieutenant, place the second comm please.”

“Of course, sir.”

Jim took a deep breath and waited for his boss to pick up. The man had never been thrilled with Jim or the fact that Jim had cashed in a lot of favors to get Singh on board. He hoped that Officer Huffman letting Singh have access to some of the restricted information and having limited contact with the crew outside of work would show Komack how well Singh was doing. When the admiral came on screen Jim held his breath. The man looked like death warmed over. And Jim would know. “Not feeling well, sir?”

“Shove it Kirk. Stupid flu is going around and Medical is having a hard time pinning down a cure for it.”

“Sounds like I should be glad I’m out here and not on Earth right now.”

“Probably, it has put a few in the hospital. Enough about that, what did Huffman have to say?”

Kirk filled in everything they had discussed and the lifting of some of the restrictions, he also gave a pretty detailed personal report.

“Why do you think he’s different?”

“Huffman asked the same question. He isn’t being tortured, Sir. He’s being treated like a human being for the first time in his life. No one is threatening him, no one is hurting him, he has work that he enjoys, he isn’t fighting for the freedom to exist, let alone the ability to live in peace. Even while he was in our prison, he had a better life than he’d ever had before.”

Kohmack sat back and thought about what Kirk was saying. “It’s like not being tortured keeps him sane.”

Jim managed to keep the sarcasm out of his tone, but he wasn’t sure how he’d done it, “I think that exactly the reason, sir.”

“Well, carry on.” The comm cut off and Jim relaxed for the first time in over an hour. Singh only needed to report in once every two weeks now and had a bit more freedom to move around. Jim wasn’t sure what he would do with the extra time. Out of necessity he had spent nearly every night with Spock and/or Jim.

Jim paged Singh to his ready room, and started doing paperwork while he waited. When the man finally entered Jim had started to get a little worried. It had taken far longer than it should have, even if he had been elbow deep in some conduit. The sling was an obvious indicator for why it had taken him so long to respond. “What happened?”

Noonien nodded towards the chair, “May I sit down before I answer?”

“Of course.”

Noonien slowly lowered himself into the chair. “The short answer is, I fell.”

“And if I asked for the long version, how much would be edited?”

“Not as much as you’re imagining,” Singh shifted trying to find a comfortable way to sit. A large portion of his ass cheek was also bruised. “I was working on a leak, I was far enough from the railing that none of us thought about me putting on additional safety gear. But when the leak ruptured, it blew me over the railing. It’s lucky I was the one working on it. Anyone else would have been critically injured if not out right killed.”

“Why didn’t Dr. McCoy heal all of your injuries?”

“I will heal faster and with fewer issues if he doesn’t. What would take your machines an hour to heal, what will take me three, but I found during my time with Marcus, having my injuries healed makes me considerably nauseous, and any muscle aches last for far longer,” Singh explained.

“I’m sorry that our technology doesn’t help you.”

“It is what it is. The delay was do to Dr. McCoy synthesizing an old Earth remedy for muscle aches.”

“Something Ayurvedic?”

Noonien was surprised Jim knew that his people had had their own type of medicine. “Yes, Agni oil, it works well for injuries to muscles and tissue.”

“Well, I’m make this short so you can go and rest. I talked to Huffman and Komack. They both agreed that you’ve done well enough to lift a few of the restrictions and lengthen the time between calls to every other week.”

Noonien was surprised, it had only been a few months. With the timeline he’d seen, he wasn’t supposed to be allowed any changes until six months out. “Thank you for what ever you said to Officer Huffman.”

“I just told him how well you’re doing.” Kirk shrugged, he wasn’t playing favorites, despite wanting to take him back to his quarters and rub whatever oil it was all over him.

“Thank you none-the-less.”

Jim saw the pain lingering in Singh’s eyes, “Dismissed Ensign, go rest and literally heal up.”

Noonien nodded, but when he moved his good hand to push himself up from the chair, it pulled on all the muscles and he ended up back in the chair. He breathed through the pain that flared. When he opened his eyes he found blue ones bright with concern hovering closely. He wanted to lash out but bit down on the urge and the reaction. It was not Kirk’s fault he’d been injured.

“I’m guessing your therapy is working since I’m not against that wall.”

“It would seem so.”

“Will I end up against the wall if I offer to help you up out of the chair?”

“No, I think I can restraint myself.”

Jim snorted, “It's more likely that you just don’t have the energy to put me into the wall.”

“I was hoping to keep that bit to myself,” Noonien huffed with a bit of humor.

“Sorry, it was written across your face.” Jim slowly reached out towards the man, “I’m going to slide my hands under your arms. All right?”

“Yes,” Noonien took a deep breath and held it, then slowly released it as the captain helped him lift his weight, once he was on his feet, the captain waited until he was steady before slowly letting Noonien adjust to standing on his own. He crushed the desire to groan at how badly he hurt.

“Is there someone waiting outside for you? I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you walking back on your own.”

“No, I was not sure how long you needed me, one of the nurses walked with me here.”

“I’m going to walk you back, you are to pale for me to be comfortable with you on your own.”

“I assure you captain I have endured considerably worse.”

“I know that, but I can’t let you go. It would prove how bad of a captain I was. Come on, I have a few things I should grab form my quarters anyway. A two birds, one stone, thing.”

Noonien knew when he was being had. The captain’s eyes held too much concern and worry. But he nodded once and let the captain walk with him to their shared corridor. At his door Kirk asked him if he should go to Sickbay and get the oil he had mentioned. Noonien shook his head and pulled the bottle from the inside of his sling.

“Handy.”

“It was indeed very handy.”

Jim took a deep breath and dove in head first, “Are you going to need help?”

“Help, sir?”

“Don’t play coy or dumb. Your arm in a sling, and that is not a button up shirt you are wearing. And I somehow doubt that your injuries managed to happed only on your chest. Do you need help putting this on your back? Or your left side?”

Noonien had been trying to figure out how to apply the oil since he’d asked for it. Most of the damage was to his back, and his ass. He took a calming breath and answered, “Yes, I will need assistance. I had planned on calling Dr. McCoy and asking for a nurse or one of the orderlies to help me.”

“Bones is busy with vaccinations for our next landing party. I am here, I'll help you with whatever you're comfortable allowing me to help you with.”

“Thank you, captain.” Noonien opened his door and walked into his quarters. “I think we should just do this sitting on the bed, I don’t relish the idea of moving again until this is healed.”

“Do you have a trance like the Vulcan’s do when they are injured?”

“Not as such, we just sleep though it. I believe Mr. Spock is much more aware when he’s in the trance.”

“Yeah, last time he told me he could hear me talking with Bones while I waited for him to come out of it. I hadn’t been there for that part before, so when Bones slapped him I almost came unglued.”

“Yes, Mr. Scott told me Dr. McCoy finds that part most enjoyable.”

Jim laughed, “He would. Then I suppose if I was mad at him for getting hurt I would find it enjoyable to.”

“I think anyone might take a bit of a pleasure out of waking Mr. Spock if they were angry at him for endangering himself.”

“You’ve got a point.” Jim carefully reached for the strap holding the sling to Singh’s shoulder. He tenderly lifted the arm’s weight and held it while he worked the belt free, “Ready?”

“As I will ever be.”

Doing his best to keep the weight off the shoulder, Jim slipped the sling free from Singh’s arm. There was a hiss next to his ear, “Sorry.” He let the sling drop to the floor and pushed the arm slowly into Singh’s chest, then reached over and maneuvered the other hand to hold the injured one’s weight. “Okay, I’m going to work your shirt up and off your left side, then we can work it over your head and down and off your arm.”

Noonien nodded once, breathing through a flare of pain.

Jim kept one hand under the bad arm to hold the weight as long as he could but he needed two hands to try to move the shirt over the left side, “You know what, this isn’t going to work.” Jim leaned back, “You’re too injured. Either we can try to go over your head or just cut the shirt off.”

Noonien for the first time in his life took the easy way, “Cut it.”

“I’m going to my quarters, I’ve got some safety scissors.” Jim lightly squeezed Singh’s elbow before leaving him for his own med-kit in his bathroom.

Spock saw his captain leaving Mr. Singh’s quarter’s at a quick pace, “Captain?”

Jim surprised Spock by doing a complete 180 and kept walking backwards, “Spock. Hey what’s up?”

“Are you all right, sir?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jim was so confused.

“You seem to be in a rush.”

“Oh crap, you haven’t seen the report yet. Uh, there was an accident in Engineering. Mr. Singh got the brunt of it. We’re trying to get his shirt off so I can apply an Ayurvedic oil to help him heal.”

“If you were about to retrieve your scissors, they are in my quarters from the last time I had cut your shirt off.”

“Shit, thats right, do mind grabbing them?”

“No, sir, shall I bring them to his quarters?”

“Yeah, I am a little afraid to leave him alone too long, pretty sure he’d pull an us and just power through it.”

“I believe you are correct.”

Jim walked back to Singh’s quarters and Spock to his own. “Singh? Spock is grabbing the scissors.” Jim stopped when he saw the man leaning against the divider with just the smallest bit of hip holding him up. “You okay?”

“Was just hit by a wave of fatigue,” Noonien sighed his eyes closed, “you are only one of a handful of people to ever see me like this, Captain.”

“Promise not to breathe a word to anyone.”

Spock waited a moment before clearing his throat, “The scissors, gentlemen.”

“Thank you Spock.”

Noonien tried to right himself but he was hit by another wave. “I think perhaps I should sit down.”

Jim watched what little color Singh had drain from his face, Spock saw it as well and the pair quickly had the man on the bed. “Not to call you out or something, but you seem surprised.”

Noonien took a moment to answer, “I have been hurt several times, but I do not believe I have ever been hurt over such a wide spread area before. I’ve been shot, stabbed, had bones broken, even been beaten. But even that was localized too just my back. I don’t think my body knows what to heal first, so it’s trying to do everything at once.”

“Spock, I think you need to steady him while I cut the shirt off.”

Spock nodded in agreement, making sure to brace the man carefully while avoiding any skin. He did not want a front row seat to the man’s pain at the moment. He would almost bet that the pain Mr. Singh was in would remind the man of all the times he had been hurt before.

Jim made short work of the shirt and was terrified by what he found. “I can’t believe he let you leave sickbay.” The riot of colors across the little bit of skin he could see was making him sick. He’d been beaten more than once over the years, and he’d been in two accidents. Not to mention everything the Romulans had done to him while on the Narada. But this was something out of a horror flick. “I’ll hold him while you pull off the shirt. That way you should be able to avoid touching his skin.”

Spock waited until he felt the man’s weight shift backwards before gingerly picking up the shirt edges and pulling it free of the left side, then even more carefully he slipped it free of the right. When he look up again he saw the same thing his captain had. He had seen Jim and many of the other human crew hurt, but he was unaware the human body could become so many colors. “I believe Dr. McCoy should be called in, this cannot be acceptable.”

Noonien held his breath until he could fight another wave of exhaustion. “Unfortunately, sirs, this is how I heal.” He gasped when he shivered because he was suddenly cold.

“Computer, raise the temperature ten degrees,” Spock demanded.

“Singh, what the hell? Your back is fucking black, pure black with slivers of purple.”

“Probably, you land on your back from twenty feet up at any speed and see what color your back is,” Noonien had been so good at keep his tongue in his head, but the pain was beginning to over ride his mind.

“I wouldn’t survive. I’m not sure Spock would survive.”

“I would not be able to walk away, of that I’m certain.” Spock suppressed the guilt he felt for the beating he had given Mr. Singh after his friend died. He would need a great deal of meditation after this was done.

“How are you even going to lay down to sleep?”

“My front is mostly untouched,” Noonien replied, “Perhaps warming the oil would be better right now, I’m sure touching me with anything cold would be a deplorable idea right now.”

“Got it, Spock do you mind?”

“No, I will return quickly.” Spock stepped into the small bathroom and ordered the water too near boiling, sliding the long vile under the stream, rolling it. He waited a few moments before pulling out and shaking it lightly. He senses telling him that the oil was warm but not hot. He returned pulling the stopper and pouring a small amount into the captain’s outstretched hand.

“That should be about perfect, it’s just about body temperature. I’m going to start rubbing it in, don’t hit me.”

“I don't think I could if I wanted to too.” The man’s voice was heavy.

Jim was careful but no matter what he did he knew it was going to cause the man more pain. He felt awful that there wasn’t something they could do for him. “Can’t Bones at least give you something for the pain?”

“I’m fine.”

Spook raised an eyebrow at the declaration, even he wasn’t that stubborn. “Fine has variable-“

Jim interrupted Spock, “Definitions, fine is unacceptable. You’ll have to find a new adjective, Spock hates that one with all the logic he can muster,” Jim held his hand out for another palm full of oil, and continued, “see how he’s not even refuting that he hates fine as an adjective. He’s not arguing about having emotions. That’s how much that one bugs him.”

“I have a feeling he’s also having a fair bit of remorse he’s needing to suppress as well.”  
“You would not be wrong, Mr. Singh.”

“I’m sitting here shirtless and he’s got his hands all over my back. I think at least one of you should call me by my given name at some point.”

Jim was to the point of working on Singh’s shoulder, “Please tell me if this hurts Noonien.”

Noonien felt a bit of tension melt away. It was surprising how good it felt to hear his name. He wasn’t sure why he’d made the statement about his name other than to try to take his mind off how much everything hurt.

“Captain, I will return momentarily.” Spock was gone before Jim could ask him where he was going.

“Okay that was a little weird.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything about my name.”

“I’m sure that wasn’t it. Oh he’s probably getting a pair of gloves to put on to help you lie down.”

Noonien didn’t answer, he had something else to worry about. “Captain, thank you for the help but I think perhaps I should finish on my own.”

Jim’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “You can’t even stand up at the moment. What else do you need to finish?”

“If you would just help me with my boots, I’ll be all right.”

Spock returned right then and admonished the augment, “All right is also not an acceptable description.”

Noonien opened his eyes and found an angry set of eyes looking at him. He was a little unnerved that the anger did not seem to be directed at him. That wasn’t something he was use to. He also noticed that Jim had been right and the touch-telepath was in fact wearing gloves. He also had a hypospray in his hand. “The doctor suggested this compound might be helpful.”

“You weren’t gone that long,” Jim was even more confused.

“It is part of the kit I have in my quarters for when you escape sickbay too soon.”

“Oh, I need to tackle his boots, think the gloves are thick enough for you to brace him again?”

“Certainly,” Spock understood it was mostly a rhetorical question but he answered none-the-less.

Jim worked fast to pull the boots off and shove them into a safe corner, he had a sneaky suspicion the reason Noonien was trying to shoo them away was because, yes he’d landed on his back, but that included his backside. “Help me get him laid down.”

Noonien braced for the movement letting the two move him. Two centuries ago, even surrounded by friends and a self-made family, he would have never let anyone see him like this, let alone anyone he’d met since waking. The weird feeling of being cared for was so new to him he didn’t quite know what to do with it. He sighed in relief when the mattress was there to take his full weight.

“True or false, your ass looks like the rest of your back?”

“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen it.”

“Oh the snark is coming out. I kinda like it. Will you kill me later if I cut off the pants?”

“No, I will not kill you later.” Noonien would have no dignity left after these two were done with him. But he didn’t care one bit right now, the top edge of his pants had started to dig into his right hip where it was swelling.

“You’re nothing but a walking bruise,” Jim grouched. Noonien could feel the warmth of his breath on his lower back.

“I doubt I will be walking for at least eighteen hours,” Noonien sighed, why did the captain’s hands have to feel so good?

“What did I just say about snark? How many times are you going to need this oil put on? There’s not enough here to do you back again.”

“Not for several hours, but most likely three to four more times, but after this time I should be able to manage.”

“Like hell you will, your shoulder’s going to take longer than all of this to heal and if you go moving it around to try to reach half your back, you’ll make it worse.”

Spock remained silent as the two parlayed, he watched the ease with which his friend worked around the prickles of the augment’s personality. He had not spoken falsely when he’d told Mr. Singh that he felt they could balance each other.

Spock and Jim had traded light medical services many times in order to avoid the more abrasive parts of Dr. McCoy’s care but never had Jim treated Spock the way he was treating the injured man. Spock carefully and silently left the man’s room to give them time and privacy.

He returned to the bridge and took the rest of the captain’s shift, sending a message to inform his captain that he was not needed for the remainder and that he would see him later that evening to discuss the ships business.

Noonien was nearly asleep when the soft tone of a message waiting sounded. No one ever left him a message, the only people that ever needed him had always tracked him down in person. He sighed again and called to the computer to play the message.

“Captain, I have taken the remainder of your shift. We may meet after dinner to discuss any pertinent information. Please see that Mr. Singh is well taken care of, we both know he is exactly like you. Spock out.”

Jim laughed, “I think I’ve just been told off by my first officer.”

Noonien shivered at the sound of Jim’s laugh then moaned when the shiver caused everything to ripple with a new wave of pain.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you hurt more.”

“I will be fine in a few hours. Though I am not sure what Mr. Spock thinks I’m going to do, I could not leave my bed even if I wanted to right now.”

“Oh, I’m sure if you really wanted to you could do just about anything you wanted. But let’s not test that theory. Why don’t you take that nap you need and I’ll go talk to Bones about getting more of that oil? If you're still asleep in a few hours, do you want me to wake you up?”

“Honestly, I don’t want to be woken, but I think it would be better if you did,” Noonien bit back the urge to deflect but it was one of the things that he had been working on with the therapist. “I doubt I would react well if you were just to start touching me while I slept.”

“No problem, should I avoid touching you at all if you're asleep or can I touch your arm to wake you?”

“Perhaps for now avoid touching me, unless you happen to be here when I fall asleep.”

Jim left the comment alone for now, he could see Noonien’s eyes drooping again, but he liked the idea of being able to wake up the man someday with just a touch. He called himself an idiot again but that didn’t change the thrill of the idea. Jim patted Noonien’s leg as he moved away, “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Lazily Noonien mmhmmed the captain as he fell into a light sleep.

Jim didn’t actually leave right away. He should have, he knew he should have, this wasn’t his quarters and Noonien hadn’t told him it was okay for him to stay, but he couldn’t make himself leave. For the first time since he woke up alive he had the chance to watch the man sleep without a screen between them. Despite Noonien’s warning just a few moments ago, he reached out and very carefully moved a lock of hair that was bound to tickle the man’s cheek at some point. After that he decided to tempt the fates, gently he moved the blanket from the foot of the bed up and over the naked form of the man once know as Khan.

He wondered what the historians would have thought of this version of Noonien Singh, a man who at one time had ruled nearly a third of Earth.

Jim shook his head and made himself walk away. He had no clue why he was so drawn to this man, Spock’s joke about blood aside. He made his way to sickbay, acknowledging crew as he went. All of them noted that their captain seemed preoccupied and kept their greetings short allowing him time to ruminate.

Bones, however was a different story, “Well, lover-boy, how’s the beau?”

Jim shook his head, “What?” He felt stupid when his mind pulled up bows and arrows when Bones clarified, “The man who was more bruised than not?”

Jim rolled his eyes, shaking his head, “You and Spock both are about to drive me into the nearest rehab center.”

“Oh, finally going to have your head examined so they can tell you the same thing I’ve been telling you since the day I met you? That you’re crazy for going into space.”

Jim chuckled, “Bones, you are right here with me.”

“I know I’m crazy, the wife took my sanity in the divorce, why do you think I’m up here with you?”

Jim sighed, he knew Bones didn’t mean it, but sometimes his friends insistence about how bad space was hurt. Everyone in his life had left him, and it had never worked out for the better when they did. Listening to his friend talk about hating space made him worry that one day Bones would just get fed up and leave space; and Jim.

McCoy saw the look on Jim’s face and in his eyes. He grimaced, he knew Jim had a more than a few issues, some of them where abandonment. He needed to remember not to go on so much about how he hated being out in the black. “You know you’re stuck with me. Me and that green blooded hobgoblin you call Spock.”

“You call him Spock to you know,” Jim shook his head again, “That’s not why I came up here. I came to get more of the oil you synthesized for Noo-,” Jim stopped himself from saying Noonien’s first name, “for Mr. Singh. The vial you gave him was only enough for one treatment and he said it would probably take three maybe even four more to get rid of his bruising and aches.”

McCoy let the name glitch slide for now, he could tell Jim was confused enough without his badgering Jim about it. Jim would figure things out and come talk at him, figure something else out and then explain it all to him. It was how their relationship worked. He’d been Jim’s sounding board for closer to a decade than not now, between the academy and their time in space.

“Yeah, I can make some more. I wasn’t sure how far it would go,” he walked to the dispensary replicator and called up the Ayurvedic oil, adjusting the quantities to increase the quantity.

“He’d just fallen asleep when I left. Said he’d sleep for a few hours before we do this again,” Jim could hear the rambling tone in his voice, he bit the insides of his cheeks to keep himself from talking more.

“Jim, we’re okay with this, you know that right?”

“With what, there’s nothing for you to be okay with, really. Nothing.”

McCoy looked to his friend, he set his hands on the man’s shoulders, “Jim, I’m going to say this once, if you want to try for something with him, go for it. I want to see you happy, but if he hurts you even once; I’m going to do everything I can to bury him, augment or not.”

Jim shrugged, but not enough to shift McCoy’s hands off, “I can’t even decide if I want to try for something.”

McCoy shook his head this time, he grabbed the bottle of oil and Jim’s shoulder and brought the man into his office. “Jim,” McCoy didn’t know what he wanted to say. “I, damn it, I don’t have to like him to see the effect he’s had on you. BC and AC, I saw the way you two interacted before your stupid space race. Even in the brig, I could see how hard you were fighting your attraction for him. So do us all a favor, stop lying to yourself.”

“Great, so I’m transparent.” Jim threw his hands up in the air after he shot up out of the chair Bones had shoved him towards. He wanted to pace the small room but he couldn’t.

“Not to everyone, just those of us who know you.” Bones continued with a bit of a shrug, “The weeks spent watching him may have tipped your hand a bit.”

Jim grimaced, he wasn’t proud of the time he’d spent watching Khan, the weird compulsion he’d had, to know that the man was still alive. He mentally shook his head, maybe he did have some weird version of survivors guilt. He dropped back into the chair, “You think this some off the wall case of Florence Nightingale Syndrome?”

McCoy laughed, “Well if you were mooning over me, maybe.”

“I am attempting to be serious here. I meant it, he saved my life, not him him, but think about it. His blood raised me from the dead, Spock said something about to me.”

McCoy wanted to argue, to explain to his friend that it just couldn’t be that way because… but he couldn’t. What he’d done to Jim was a one time thing that had almost cost him his license and career. He was certain if he’d have tried that on a Starfleet officer not James T. Kirk; Kelvin Baby, Tarsus survivor (which McCoy wasn’t supposed to know about), Destroyer of Nero, and all around most charming guy in the galaxy when he wanted to be, he’d be rotting in a ‘rehab facility’ that was less on rehab and more on ‘sit here and think about what you did until you die’.

“I want to tell you no, you’re fine, but I can’t. What I can do is ask; do you care if it’s his blood drawing you in? Is it really that big of a deal? We still don’t understand how it is people fall in love, maybe there is something in people’s blood that draws them together, just in your case, you had a huge dose of this person’s blood.”

Jim took a moment to consider what his friend had said, he remembered thinking that it wasn’t fair that he’d killed Pike, because the guy was hot. Even in his anger and desire for revenge, he wanted to shove the guy up against the neatest bulkhead and kiss that smug look off his face. He’d wanted to know what that deep voice would sound like wrecked and spent. And that was before Marcus and the core. “And when command hears about it?”

“We deal with it, there will be a regulation somewhere that Spock will know and spout it off at just the right time and command will have to back off.”

Jim lifted his head up and looked over to the doctor, “I’m pretty sure there is no regulation regarding the captain of the flagship sleeping with a previously known enemy of the Federation, and current work release ex-con.”

“Sure there is, it’ll have something to do with ensuring diplomatic relations with a hostile force.”

Jim was about to argue, but McCoy might have a point. If he could paint it as he was with Noonien to make sure he didn’t have another break down instead of him being with Singh because he was compromised…

“Got you thinking didn’t I?”

“Maybe,” Jim sighed, “I’m going to head down to the mess, you want me to grab you anything?”

McCoy shook his head, “I’d just gotten back when you came in.”

Jim nodded absently as he walked out of sickbay lost in his own thoughts.

&*&*&*&*&*&

After an hour in the mess and another hour at the gym, Jim returned to Noonien’s room and entered the room as quietly as he could.

Noonien’s voice softly carried from the bed, “I am awake.”

“I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No, Mother Nature did. I have been trying to ignore her and go back to sleep, but it is not working.”

“You know this is going to sound stupid, and maybe even a bit petty, but it makes me feel so much better to know that even you wake up in the middle of the night and have to pee.”

Noonien chuckled, “I may be augmented, but I am human.”

“Do you need help getting up?”

Sighing, Noonien nodded, “Yes, though I am loathe to admit it.”

“No shame in it, the rest of us would most likely have died.”

“Does not mean I have to like it.”

Jim managed to keep the snort to himself, the three hundred plus augment king sounded a bit like a brooding teenager. “So how do you want to do this?”

Noonien took a deep steading breath before pushing himself up, there really wasn’t a good way for Jim to help him the way he was laying. He brew the breath out slowing as he rose.

“Hey, you just said you needed help!”

“I am aware,” Noonien answered, he leaned backwards so he was kneeling on his heels, it hurt, quit a bit in fact. “Perhaps just keep a steady hand for a moment.”

Jim cursed the stubborn streak he could see in Noonien, two stubborn people were never going to make for an easy relationship. Damn it, he’d made up his mind and hadn’t even realized it. He set a careful hand on the man’s shoulders and held the other one out to catch him if he started to sway at all. They shifted and shuffled around until Noonien had both feet on the floor and he had his balance.

Noonien walked slow, stiff and methodically towards the head. He had to pause at the doorway because the muscles along his back protested vehemently at his movement and stole his breath for a moment.

“I really wish you could use our tech, watching this is killing me.”

“Just imagine we’ve known each other for those few hours instead of months now.” Noonien tried to sound cavalier about Kirk going back to hating him, but it stung.

“Doubt I ever could. I’ve spent too much time with you now.”

Noonien managed to get a breath into his lungs, then another, “Was a suggestion.”

Jim watched Noonien brace himself on the frame and use the wall as a crutch those last few steps. He turned to give the man some privacy, but just before he did he saw something that sent a cold sweat over him.

&*&*&*&*&*&

When Noonien came back out he could see that Jim was pale. “Captain?”

“I thought I’d heard that augments couldn’t scar?”

“We do not as a rule,” Noonien answered, he was not aware he had any, but Jim had gone white while his back was turned, he supposed there could be one he didn’t know about.

“I need to talk to McCoy, let’s get you back into bed. Will you be okay for a little bit, or do you need the oil now?”

“I am fine for now, it will be another two hours before I require more.” Jim nodded but didn’t speak, he held out his arm for Noonien to take however he needed to. Noonien wrapped his long pale fingers around Jim’s forearm and returned to the bed, sitting down then returning to his semi-comfortable position on his stomach. He felt the blanket and sheets pulled back over him and then they lingered. “Are you going to tell me why a scar I have never seen has you rattled.”

“Not until I know if I’m rattled for a reason or not. Get some more sleep, I’ll tell you in a couple of hours.”

Again Noonien mmmhmm-ed his captain and dare he say, his friend. He wanted to reach back and run hand along what he could reach of his back but it would only cause him further pain. He could wait.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim quick walked to the sickbay, he knew the scar on the back on Noonien’s neck, he’d seen it for years on someone else. He knew the exact placement of it, he knew what it meant, he was 99% certain. It was that 1% that kept his from saying something. If he was right, Command probably wouldn’t be able to say a word about him being with Singh. EVER!

Bones was surprised to find Jim back in the Sickbay already, “Jim, you can’t be out already.”

Jim shook his head and tipped it towards his CMO’s office. He didn’t talk for a moment after the door slipped shut behind the doctor.

“Jim?”

“Len.”

Leonard went still, barely taking a breath. The only time Jim called him Len was when his world had been rocked on a cosmic level. He’d heard it twice. When Pike died and when Jim had finally come down from the adrenaline of Nero and everything.

“Len, I need you to go through every page we have on Noonien. Every scan, everything.”

“What am I looking for?”

“Evidence of a Cetti slug.”

McCoy’s eyebrows shot up, the color draining from his face. “No, Jim, no,” He shook his head. It didn’t make any sense. Someone with those nasty things wouldn’t have been able to turn on Marcus the way Singh had.

“Len, we don’t know how an augment would deal with one. Think about it, everything we’ve seen of Noonien says something completely different from what we saw before. It’s like there was a bad twin and a good twin. And we’ve got the good one sleeping off a near death experience a few decks away.”

McCoy shook his head at the horridly outdated cliché but he understood what Jim is going for. The human brain after even a week with one of the parasites found on Cetti Alpha 5 became so mailable it could be removed and the effects remain. But an augment’s brain chemistry was different. Singh could have been fighting it the entire time and not know it. Instead of arguing with his friend he pulled up every file he had and started looking. While he was waiting to pull up the last of the files he asked the question, “Why did you think to ask about this now?”

“They don’t scar.”

“Augments, no they don’t.”

“He has a scar on the back of his neck right at his hairline, the same spot Chris had, the one you were so mad that you couldn’t regen. It’s in the same spot. I didn’t think about it before, it just never clicked. Chris always had a little wince when he moved his head just right, I thought it was from the damage from Nero and the slug. But when I saw the scar I remember I’ve seen Noonien wince at nearly the same exact head moments. Well, as much of a wince as he’s ever going to let slip. Everything made sense. I would bet my ship, if you ran a simulation of the interactions between his brain chemistry and the enzymes those nasty things produce, you’re going to get something like a schizophrenic break.”

McCoy shivered at the though. “We need to talk to him too.”

“I know, if he did have one I doubt his memories are the way he thinks they should be.” Every species susceptible to the parasite had the same memory issues. They could remember nearly everything, but it was blurred, as if they were sleepwalking. Jim sat back in the chair and let his head fall onto the back. He tried to recall every time he’d seen Noonien’s cheek flinch that tiny little bit. At one time he could count the number of smiles he’d seen on the man’s face, now he needed to count something else.

It took McCoy 45 minutes to find what Jim asked him to find. His accelerated healing had obscured it but there in living color was the proof. No matter how good the surgeon, no matter how meticulous they were, there was always a tiny bit of the tail left wrapped around the spinal column. After the full slug was removed the tiny tendril withered and turned into calcium by human bodies. McCoy found the tiny sliver of a tail wrapped right at the top of the second vertebrae. He’d had to adjust the contrast to get it to show, but once he did, if flared up like an old neon sign; a giant arrow saying, ‘HEY, LOOK RIGHT HERE, STUPID!’

“Jim.”

Jim’s head snapped up, his eye huge, “You found it.”

McCoy nodded, he turned the screen so Jim could see it, the slight catch in Jim’s breath showed he’d seen it.

“Let’s go talk to him.”

Jim shook his head, “I told him I’d come back in two hours. You both said he needs to sleep.”

“Then why don’t you try and catch a few minutes yourself. You’re going to have a long day tomorrow trying to get anyone to believe you at Command.”

“Just need to send this on,” Jim waved a hand towards the screen. “Can you run some simulations? See what it does?”

McCoy nodded, “Yeah, I’ll start them as soon as you lay down. You look wiped.”

Jim shrugged, “At some point between here and his room, I decided.”

“And it scared the crap out of you because you didn’t talk it out, you just knew.”

“Pretty much.”

“Jim, let’s face it, you are an impulsive person. When you do try and think things through you nearly always go with what ever was your first reaction to begin with.”

Jim nodded, he knew he was impulsive, it was one of the things Chris had wanted for Starfleet. Jim sighed, “All right I’ll lay down.”

McCoy chuckled to himself. Jim was legendary at avoiding things he didn’t want to deal with.

&*&*&*&*&*&

The computer had played out three sims before an hour was up. All three had similar outcomes, an augment would survive the damned bugs, hell they might even manage to kill the nasty thing, but before they did they would lose their minds. McCoy dug a bit deeper, finding a few more reports from Section 31. It chilled him to the bone, but he found a date for cranial surgery, the doctor listed wasn’t a surgeon, let alone a neuro surgeon required for this type of surgery. But there was no reason listed, no outcome recorded, just that the surgical suite had been booked and used for seven hours. It was twelve days before the attack on the London Archives.

Two more sims popped out, one resulted in an agonizing death, the other permanent brain damage. He coded those so that Jim couldn’t read them without his authorization. He didn’t need to know that information.

“You know I can read them regardless, right?”

McCoy almost jumped at the sound of his friends tired voice. “You really shouldn’t be able to.”

“Shouldn’t doesn’t mean can’t.”

“Hoped you’d sleep a little longer.”

Jim shook his head, “Dreams were starting to get a little weird.”

“Let me guess, bugs?”

“Yep, nothing too bad, just crawling across walls, fluttering around the mess hall, floating around the shower drain.”

He knew how bad some of Jim’s nightmares could get, he’d heard them more than once back at the academy. He was glad that they were so mild, and he hoped to hell they didn’t get any worse. “Ready?”

“As I'm going to be.”

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim was as quiet as possible when he walked into Noonien’s room. He wanted to put this off for as long as he could. He wasn’t sure how the man would react. He knew if he had been in Noonien’s place he’d feel angry, vengeful, nauseated, violated.

Slowly he knelt next to the bed, “Noonien?” He watched the sleeping face go from lax to solid in less than a second. “Hey, McCoy needs to check a couple things, is it all right if he uses the tricorder?”

The voice that answered was still slurred with sleep, “No ones ever bothered to ask before.”

“I don’t generally get a chance to ask, most of the time my patients are in pain or unconscious.”

“Does this have to do with the scar that has you concerned?”

Jim shook his head, even though Noonien’s eyes were still closed, “Not just that, he does want to make sure you're healing.”

“He is here and can talk,” McCoy muttered under his breath.

Noonien was sore, thankfully less than he’d been four hours ago. “What is going on?”

Jim sat on the edge of the bed, “I need to ask you a few things and I need full honest answers.” He looked up towards McCoy, the look told Jim everything he needed to know.

“What do you remember about yesterday?”

Noonien’s brow crinkled in confusion, “About the explosion? Has it been a day already?” He was certain in hadn’t slipped over to Wednesday yet.

Jim school his head, “No it’s still Tuesday, what do you remember about Monday?”

Noonien shifted, so that he was laying on his back, it hurt but he needed to look at Jim and McCoy with more than half an eye. He recounted his Monday, the time he’d spent in engineering, who had won the chess game, what moves Spock had used. Everything very detailed. When Jim asked about his last day on Earth before they left on the Botany Bay, he got an equally detailed account. Sights, sounds, smells, emotions all were recounted, Jim and McCoy both refrained from mentioning how much of a toll it was taking on Noonien. Neither one wanted to make it harder on him. When he was done Jim asked one last question.

“What do you remember about the day Marcus woke you?”

Noonien had tried for months to block out that day, all those months, it was not something he wanted to remember, but it seemed endlessly important to Jim so he answered. Even as he did he noted the lack of details he could recall. He kept trying but it was like watching a movie with glasses he didn’t need.

“What about the day you attacked the Archive?”

Again, he had the same sort of hazed recollection, though this time there was a few more details.

“One last question, what is the first set of clear memories you have?”

Noonien took a moment, started to speak, then shook his head, “You kneeling next to me in the suit?”

“That sounds more like a question that a concrete answer. This is probably frustrating you but I need to know.”

Noonien demanded his body sit up, ignore the pain and the admonishment of the doctor. He moved backwards on the bed until he leaned against the headboard. He closed his eyes and though hard, the first clear, completely clear and detailed memory he could recall was waking in his cell. His trial was clear but not as detailed as he knew his memory should be. He opened his eyes and looked at the pair of men, “The first full memory I can recall with all the details my memory should hold is in my cell.”

McCoy gasped and Jim let his head fall.

“Explain,” Noonien almost growled, he’d told them what they wanted to know but they still hadn’t explained why they had asked, what this had to do with an unseen scar, and he was unsure what to make of their reactions.

Jim cleared his throat before he began, “The reason I was asking about the scar is because Admiral Pike had one in the exact same location.” Jim watched Noonien’s face flinch at Chris’s name, “When Nero attacked he used a parasitical creature to try and get the Earth defense codes from then, Captain Pike. The creature takes over and makes you malleable, you answer any question, do any task asked of you. It’s called a, well I can’t really pronounce the full scientific name, but colloquially it’s called a Cetti slug, or Cetti bug. The enzyme they excrete interfere with skin regenerators. That’s why there’s always a scar. One of the signs is a sort of altered memory. Bones verified some other signifiers. What I think might have happened is your physiology was fighting the creature, Marcus had it removed, probably to have a stronger, maybe older one implanted. But before that could happen you escaped. But the thing is that once the enzyme was introduced into your system, it drove you … mad.”

Bones watched as Singh’s hands buried themselves in the blankets around his waist, he breathing was shallow and considerably faster than was comfortable for his injured body. He needed the man to relax, “Mr. Singh, I need you to calm down, I know it’s hard to accept but you’re going to hurt yourself.”

His eyes snapped to the doctor, “You just told me my mind was taken over by some parasite, that it drove me insane, and you want me to remain calm?!”

“Yes, you’re ribs didn’t break in the fall but if you keep breathing like that you’re going to break one.” McCoy could read the stress in Singh’s ribs, especially the fifth on his left side. It had come close to fracturing in the fall, the stress of his rapid breathing could finish what the fall started.

“Noonien, it will be all right, we’ll help you through this. A lot of things will change once Command finds out. A victim of a Cetti slug can’t be help accountable, they weren’t in control.”

Noonien felt the hand on his ankle, his heart froze for a second, then sped back up again, great, now he was acting like a pubescent teen. He would blame it on the stress.

“You said Marcus had it removed.”

McCoy was the one to answer, “There are some records from about a week and half before the attack on the Archive, a suite was booked for cranial and spinal surgery. There are no records other than it was booked and was logged in use for seven hours. Harrison was listed as medically off duty the day before. Four days later your file stops, eights days later you attacked London.”

“I do not know where to begin.”

“Would talking to Dr. Sigmond help?” Jim asked.

Noonien shook his head, it would be weeks before he would even be able to start to think about dealing with any of that.

“Do you want us to go?”

Again Noonien shook his head. “I need to know everything you know, anything you know,” he nearly pleaded with a look to match the tone.

“There’s little we can tell you, there are no records,” McCoy explained again.

“About the parasite,” Noonien clarified.

McCoy again was the one to answer, Noonien quickly realized that the doctor has slipped into a bit of a dissociative state, much like he himself was fighting to not do.

Jim was the one to ask him about it, “Len, hey look at me a second.” McCoy stopped at look to his friend. “What’s up?”

McCoy shook he his to clear his thoughts, “I missed it, even with his enhanced everything, he was still only twelve days from have one of those nasty things in his head, it takes weeks if not months for people to overcome the effects of that bug. I see the signs now, looking back. I failed him Jim, I failed you.”

Jim set a hand on McCoy’s shoulder, “I don’t think anything would have changed if we had known.”

“It could have, I wouldn’t have allowed him to do that stupid death flight, so he wouldn’t have been over there to kill Marcus, Scotty wouldn’t have stunned him, Spock wouldn’t have tortured him into thinking his family had died, again. You wouldn’t have had to go into the core…”

Still using the rarely used nickname, Jim explained, “Len, Marcus knocked the core out with his final hit, that’s what made us drop out of warp to begin with. I would have still had to go into the core, so that you guys could have a chance at getting back to Earth. You would have needed to let everyone in command know what had happened with Marcus and Section 31.”

Noonien understood what the doctor was saying, he felt guilty for his friend’s temporary death. He had a small glimmer that perhaps the doctor felt guilty about his apparently undeserved imprisonment.

“And his time in prison?” McCoy waved a hand in Singh’s direction, “He wouldn’t have spent a single day in that cell if I had caught it before.”

Jim looked at McCoy then to Noonien, “How many physicals did you get after everything happened?” Jim knew it was at least three because he’d signed for that many medical files.

“Four including the one preformed before we left space dock.”

Jim looked back to his friend, “Four other doctors missed it. This is not your fault. I remember how long his hair was before, it was just long enough no-one would have seen the scar. The only reason I did earlier was because his hair was a bit ruffled from sleeping. We could have gone years, if not his whole life without knowing.”

“You said he moved like Pike.” McCoy pointed out.

“I only connected those dots after I saw the scar. Len, stop taking blame for something you had nothing to do with. Every single thing that happened is solely on Admiral Alexander Marcus. He used Noonien to start a war, to turn the Federation into the Empire I saw in Spock’s mind. He put the Cetti slug into Noonien, not you. You missed a nearly impossible to find clue that four other doctors missed.”

McCoy’s shoulders slumped, he knew it would take him a very long time to forgive himself for missing the scar and the tiny bit of tail, no matter what Jim said. But he replied, “Okay, Jim, you’re right.”

“And when you finally actually agree with me, come tell me. I know you’re just saying the words Bones, I'm not that gullible.”

McCoy shrugged, “I’m going to go write my report for Command.” Jim and Noonien nodded and let the doctor go.

“Jim, I need to know about this thing.”

Jim nodded, he got up to find a PADD, once he found one he pulled up the classified information on Cetti Alpha V and the nasty creature that lived on the planet. The only thing that had been good to come from Nero’s invasion was the discovery of the parasite and where it had hailed form. The planet had been on a list of ones that the Enterprise was scheduled to survey. He was glad to skip the cluster fuck that could have ended up being.

He handed Noonien the PADD, “Do you want me to go, or would you rather I stay?”

“I would prefer if you stayed, unless you are needed on the bridge.”

“Spock took my shift so that when you needed more of the oil I could apply it.”

“Have you told him about this?” Noonien asked wiggling the PADD in his hand.

“Not yet, I wanted to verify everything with Bones and you first.” Jim sat down on the corner of the bed he’d been sitting on before, “This will change everything for you Noonien. Everything that you went through, everything you’ve been going through. Your record will be cleared, notations and subfiles will be stamped on every page. Your medical files will be updated to show it. It may not come into play for you with your healing but the enzyme they leave behind can sometimes affect medications years after their removal. Anyone who tries to hold you accountable for what happened will end up on the wrong side of a court martial. There are only a few known cases of these things however there are a few drugs and other creatures that can cause similar reactions. Command and all Federation governments agreed to several safeguards for victims of these sort of attacks.”

“The parol board? Will they accept the doctor’s findings?”

Jim nodded, “All the doctors that have seen you since you were captured will look through their findings and see the same thing. They will all tell the Board and Command the same thing. You can’t be held accountable. You might have been able to eventual counteract the stupid thing but there’s no way of knowing.”

Noonien knew there was a way to verify it, but he understood now, more than ever, that was not the Starfleet that existed. That version was solely under Marcus. Noonien tried again to remember more of his time in Marcus’s hands. Nothing was clear, everything he could remember was hazed over.

“Hey, don’t try and remember it.” Jim reached out and nudged Noonien’s jaw until the man turned to look at him. “Nothing good is going to come from trying to remember. It’s only going to hurt you more. There was nothing you could have done.”

“I need to know what I did,” Noonien tried to explain.

Jim shook his head. “No, you don’t, I’ve looked up what’s left of the history from the Eugenics Wars. I know you were a pretty fair ruler. You weren’t blood thirsty like some of the others. You could be harsh, but the few things I could find, it was deserved. You brought equal pay to an area that was still struggling with equality. You dealt harshly with the rape gangs that were nearly everywhere. You pushed for universal education, no matter the class. You help in ways that no one else bothered to. If anyone had bothered to look up your past, your trial should have gone very differently. It was one of the things that bothered me, why I kept watching you. The person I met did not match the person I was reading about. I was trying to explain it, because, well if you could change so drastically, then maybe someday I would too.”

Noonien felt a cold sweat break out, something he’d never experienced before, Jim had been watching him in part to see what he might become. From the months spent in his company Noonien knew what kind of man his captain was. He was kind, caring, charismatic, energetic, loyal, and steadfast. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. Noonien had heard about his multiple attempts at the Kobayashi Maru. Had heard, at his final attempt when he had hacked the system to make it winnable. What others had not heard was, even Jim wasn’t sure he would win. His attitude had been a charade. His hack had been a series of possible scenarios where a person could rescue everyone.

After Nero, he had been called back into defend his actions. This time just with the Academy Board and Spock, since he had written the program. Jim had explained to them, that the test was useless as it stood. No one was going to truly try to beat the test because they all knew the point was too fail. If there were scenarios where you could rescue some if not all the crew, then students would create a mindset where they tried. A sort of argument that, if you know that the third rock on a rock wall is going to pull away under even the lightest amount of weight, why are you going to bother, especially if no one could ever reach the fourth rock to make up for it.

The Board had finally understood and had added his possibilities to the program. Since Kirk’s class had graduated, two students had taken the Kobayashi Maru and beat it, with varying degrees of success. Jim had sent them both congratulations when he’d found out.

“Jim,” Noonien finally spoke, “I doubt you would have ever done what I did. Having my blood in your system is not going to turn you into me.”

Jim sighed, “Noonien, at this point, you didn’t even do what you did. And I know I wasn’t ever going to become you. I wasn’t right in the…oh crap.”

Noonien tipped his head to the side and lifted and eyebrow, “Crap?”

Jim snorted, “Uh, random thought, we used your blood to bring me back. Your blood had the enzyme in it. Do I have the enzyme now? Bones is going to strangle me.” Jim picked up the discarded PADD and sent McCoy a quick message asking him to check into it. “I need to contact Command and get the ball rolling. Are you all right if I leave?”

“Yes, I’ve been on my own far longer than I haven’t.”

Jim shook his head, “Don’t have to be anymore. If you need me to stay, or if you just want me to stay, I will.”

“No, go, I will be fine. When you are done, I would need your help.”

“Sure you don’t need it now? You said a few hours, it’s been two and half.”

Noonien shook his head again, “No, I can still feel its effects. I would guess your synthesize version is more stable than a version based on plants. The medicinal qualities would be more standardized.”

“Ah, got it.” Jim reached out to touch Noonien’s face but let his hand drop. They weren’t in a relationship, he didn’t have any right to touch him like that. But just before his hand fell to his lap, Noonien stopped it and let his long fingers curl around his.

“If I am asleep when you return, wake me.”

Jim nodded, squeezing Noonien’s hand before setting in the man’s lap. “All right, I’ll let you know what happened.” Jim left quickly before he gave in and kissed the man. He stepped into a empty conference room and leaned against the wall. He took a few minutes to get his head together. Noonien was detrimental to his mental health. There was no other way to put it. The man had always thrown him for a loop. And now with the news that it hadn’t been Noonien who had wreaking havoc on San Fransisco, but the remnants of his reaction to those fucking bugs… It was killing Jim.

Jim made it his ready room and had Uhura put in the calls he needed to make. He got lucky and Komack and Huffman were both available. He had McCoy’s preliminary report by then, so he sent them the files and explained what he’d seen and what they’d found while the files were transmitted. They were far enough out the files were going to take a good five minutes to travel to Earth. Jim knew the second Huffman opened his file because his face went a very still and his skin lightened several shades.

Komack’s was too flushed to become as pale as Huffman, he was still fighting the flu it seemed.

“How did we miss this?”

Jim’s answer didn’t make Huffman feel any better, “Because there was no one to fight for him. No one knew him from before the implantation, so no one knew his personality was off. No one thought to look because who would have thought that his physiology would accept them. The only reason I even asked McCoy to check was because I saw the scar on the back of his neck. It’s been hidden by his hair.”

“Why did you see it?” Komack barked. Or tried to, he ended up having a coughing fit for his harsh tone.

“I saw it because he’d been injured. He is more or less a walking bruise right now. If it had been any other crew member working on the leak, they would be dead. I was helping him to the bathroom and saw the scar. I had seen Pike’s enough to worry. You both asked me earlier why he was so different then you both assumed he would be. I said that it was because we were treating him fairly. I think I was wrong. I think he’s different because he is being himself. We never met the real Noonien Singh. We met John Harrison, the persona Marcus created.”

Huffman nodded, “I will talk to the Board immediately. I can’t give the order to rescind his punishment, but I have no doubts they will, after our doctors verify everything with what we have on file.”

“Dr. McCoy verified it using what he had on hand before we spoke to Mr. Singh. He did triple check his findings. So your doctors should have no trouble, now that we know what to look for.”

Komack waited for Huffman to log off the call before bringing up the other matter. “Kirk, what about you?”

“I don’t know sir, I didn’t think about it until just before I called you. I don’t know if Dr. McCoy has made that leap yet or not. If there is a problem it could just be one more allergy to listed in my ever growing medical file.”

“To bad they didn’t go away with his blood.”

“I think it was a little busy healing my death to worry about allergies.” Komack nodded in understanding concession. He must have been sicker than Jim thought. Maybe Bones needs to make a call to one of his friends at SF Medical, Komack needed to take a couple sick days.

“Just like Huffman I can’t override what’s standing until our doctors have verified McCoy’s findings. Though I can’t see him fabricating this. I know he was nearly as close to Pike as you were.”

“Yes, sir, I need to get back to Mr. Singh, he’s still injured and at this point I’m still the only one who can help him.”

“How bad was it Kirk?”

“Like I said if it’d been anyone else… I’m surprised that he’s not in critical condition. Dr. McCoy was worried at one point of him breaking a rib that was a step away from being fractured. He has a bruise that covers more than thirty percent of his body. With his physiology he can’t use regenerators without lingering problems. He told me that it would only take him three times longer to heal the damage than if Dr. McCoy used the regenerator on him. For us to heal without one would take weeks. I try not to think about what would have happened if Admiral Marcus had woken all of them and used a Cetti slug on them. The Federation would have fallen into chaos when they all started to fight the effects.”

That caused Komack to blanch white. “Let’s not go there Kirk.”

Jim nodded and bid the admiral goodbye. He checked the time before deciding to let Spock know what was going on. Spock was due off shift in five minutes, if what Jim had to tell him rocked his world as much as Jim assumed it would, he was going to need to meditate immediately and for as long as possible. Jim knew anger was one of the emotions that Vulcans had a hard time containing; Spock, more than most, due to his human nature. More than once he had told Jim how much he regretted his actions that day. Now, to find out he had been on the verge of beating an innocent man to death, was not going to help.

“Captain.”

Jim nodded towards the chair, Spock raised an eyebrow but sat, his hands folded almost primly in his lap. Jim ran a hand over his hair and face, “There is no easy or good way to say this. I noticed something earlier when I was helping Noonien. And after checking with Bones, I’m not seeing things.”

Spock was not sure what Jim was trying to say, but he had a sinking feeling. One that he’d experienced more than once since meeting Kirk. “Jim, perhaps you should just say what it is you saw.”

Jim sighed, “Noonien has a scar on the back of his neck. One we’ve both seen many times; on Pike.”

Spock kept his face neutral. The only scar they had both seen regularly was the scar from the removal of the Cetti Alpha V creature. He wanted to shake his head in denial, there had to be something else. The ramifications if there was not, was unthinkable. He watched as his friend stood up from his desk and come around to kneel directly in front of Spock.

“Spock, there’s nothing for you to be guilty about. You reacted, your friend had just died. You knew who was responsible, you reacted to that. This isn’t a question of feeling anything, this wasn’t a matter for logic, what happened was more to do with instinct than anything you’ve ever done or ever will do again.”

Spock took a deep breath before speaking, “Captain, I beat an innocent civilian nearly to death. I was savage and brutal. I-”

“Were grieving, you were angry and lashed out at the one person who caused you to lose your best friend. Spock, you couldn’t do that with Nero, you couldn’t take a pound of flesh for your mom. So you took two from Khan.”

Spock blinked at Jim when he interrupted him, hearing Mr. Singh referred to by his title, one that they had long since dispensed with, was somehow more jarring than anything else Jim had said.

“I doubt if he’s going to hold a grudge. Somehow I don’t think he’s actually the kind.”

“I believe I need to return to my quarters.”

“I figured as much, I think you should stop by his room first. You need to hear from him if he blames you or not. If you don’t, it’s going to tear you up until you do. Then it’s going to be worse because you are going to blame yourself, and he’s not.”

Spock nodded once, accepting the order from his captain and the advice of his friend.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Noonien was reading the articles about the creature for a fourth time. He didn’t need to, he had a photographic memory. But somehow he felt he had to. This benign creature had caused so much pain and heartache, not just for him. He thought about the look on Carol Marcus’s face when he saw her in the court room. The memory was much clearer compared to some others.

He set the PADD aside when the chime for his door sounded, he debated getting up to answer it but decided it was just too much effort for his battered body. “Enter.” He was not as surprised to see the commander as he could have been. He did figure it would be tomorrow before he saw the Vulcan. “I would stand but…”

“There is no need, Mr. Singh. I have come to see how you are healing.”

“I am better than I was. Now comes the hardest part, being inactive.”

“The Captain suffers from a similar affliction. I believe the doctor refers to it as ants in the pants.”

Noonien cracked a smile at the age old adage, “Well it’s nice to know somethings still survive. I am certain though you did not come to see how I am healing.”

Spock tipped his head, “Perhaps not only to see how you are healing.”

“I do not blame you for what happened in San Fransisco. I can barely remember it.”

“I told him you wouldn’t blame him.” Jim said, Noonien found him leaning against the door way to his room. “But I knew he needed to hear it from you.”

“May I ask a question Mr. Singh?”

Noonien refrained from the obvious and juvenile statement that Spock just had, “Of course.”

“Did you not wonder why the quality of your memories appeared different?”

“Until Jim pointed it out, I had been avoiding thinking about anything since I woke. There was also not enough time to test everything with the cryotubes. I was never sure if there wasn’t some damage, or if it was a side effect. Even if we would have had time to test the cryotubes for longer than a few days, we could have never predicted, let alone tested 300 years. Or everything we might have been exposed to while we were drifting for those 300 years.”

Spock tipped his head in understanding, it was doubtful anyone would think of such things. “How long were you able to test the tubes before you used them?”

“Six days.”

Spock almost reacted. “Such a short time.”

Noonien shifted his weight, the dull ache was beginning to throb, “It was all we had, and even that last day was spent in fear that we would be found. We had hoped for a week, but it was not to be. I put everyone to sleep, launched the ship. Once we passed the moon I put the ship in a flight path that was supposed to move us around the solar system for five years, then reverse course and wake me after a second five years. My tube was set to wake me when we passed certain set of coordinates, we never passed them.”

“Were you ever given the chance to investigate what happened?”

Noonien shook his head no. “The ship did not have the type of sensors or amount of data storage needed for it. And I doubt Marcus bothered to archive anything the Botany Bay may have recorded.”

Spock let the question go. It had been a distraction in any case. One he needed to stop. “I will leave you to heal, I believe Captain I will be unavailable for the rest of the evening.”

Jim nodded and gently patted Spock on the shoulder, “I figured. Please don’t be to hard on yourself. You really couldn’t have known.”

“Yes Jim,” was all Spock could manage.

As soon as his door closed Noonien looked to Jim, “What did they say?”

“As soon as the docs look over the files, you’ll be free. Komack realized the possible issue with the enzyme faster than the rest of us.” Jim shrugged, reaching up to run his hands over his hair, “I just don’t know how to make this up to you. How anyone could, it's just too immense.”

Noonien shook his head, “It will be fine. Do you think this will help with my crew?”

Jim shrugged again, “I'm sorry I didn’t think to ask. If we weren’t headed out for such a long mission I would say yes, but I doubt they are going to want to wake your crew if you’re not there to help explain and acclimate them.”

Noonien frowned but understood. He didn’t really want them woken if he wasn’t there to ensure they avoided another Marcus.

Jim took the few steps needed to bring him to the top of Noonien’s bed. This time he didn’t stop himself from reaching out and resting hand on his cheek. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting from the very intimate gesture but when Noonien pressed into his hand he knew it was what he’d wanted. He sat down and leaned forwards enough to lightly hug the man.

Noonien reveled in the feeling of someone touching him for the first time, well, for the first time. He’d had lovers of course, he’d fought and been tortured but not one of the people to ever touch him had done so with the depth that Jim was. Even Sueshilla, for all her love and affection had never touched him so deeply.

“Maybe, we could arrange for them to be brought to us?” Jim asked the question. I wasn’t sure what he’d do with 72 other should on his ship but they could figure out something. He’d figured out how to get Noonien here, hadn’t he?

Noonien shook his head no, he may choose to stay here with Jim, and he knew without asking himself, that given the choice, he would. But his family, his friends, they deserved to make that choice on their own. He let a small chuckle escape, “Not all of us would be well suited to staying in an environment like this ship. We could all do it, but several would suffer greatly for it.”

“Ah, yeah it does take a specific kind of person to live in space for any amount of time.”

Noonien nodded, “Jim,” he stopped then pressed on, “I do need your help.”

Jim laughed, “That wasn’t so hard was it?”

Noonien glared at the man, “You bloody well know how hard it was.”

“I do, I really do. Can I ask one thing before I put more of this stuff all over you?”

Noonien ran through a few things Jim might ask for. “What?”

Jim swallowed and with every ounce of sincerity he could muster asked, “Can I kiss you? I want to know if kissing you really is as good as I remember.”

Noonien didn’t answer, instead he pulled Jim a little closer and kissed him lightly. When Jim pressed for a little more he willing let the man take.

It couldn’t last long, not with as much pain as Noonien was still in, but it was just enough to answer several unasked questions for the pair.

&*&*&*&*&*&

For a week there were no new orders from Command or the Board. It was grating on everyones nerves. Now that the news had made it around the ship, that was. Nothing was said when Noonien was seen walking the ship unaccompanied. Spock had done what he could with the restrictions tied to his credentials, opening up more information for the man to absorb.

Jim and Noonien spent most of their time off duty together. They made sure to be seen by the crew and command staff so no one screamed of favoritism. But when Spock left for his quarters or they left some gathering in one of the entertainment areas, they always shut themselves up in Jim’s quarters.

Jim was worried about Noonien, he had said several times he would be fully healed in a few days but it had been seven and there were still yellow-green and tender spots along his back and a fairly large one on his ass cheek. “I know you said our tech makes you sick, but this is starting to worry me a lot,” Jim said as he carefully applied the oil once agin.

Noonien was a little concerned himself. It had been some time since he’d been hurt this badly. Even during his time with Marcus, he’d still been fully restored in less than 36 hours. He wanted nothing more than to shove Jim down on to his bed and take everything Jim was willing to give him and to give him everything Jim was willing to take, but his hip still ached with the simplest of movements. “I am willing to try again. Perhaps Marcus’s staff was intentionally trying make me ill?”

Jim shrugged, “I don’t want you sick but seriously. I’m wondering if I would have been healed by now.”

Knowing it was going to hurt, Noonien rolled over anyway so that he could see Jim’s eyes. “Don’t court the Fates like that. They have a way of hearing those kind of things.”

“I’m not saying I want to trade places, though I just might if this doesn’t go away soon,” Jim traced a long bruise on Noonien’s arm.

“I told you I have never been hurt so extensively before. That I can think of, none of us have. Other than the ache I feel fine,” he reached out running a hand up Jim’s arm and did something he had never thought to do before, “I promise, if something was wrong I would tell you.”

Jim nodded, he leaned forward and kissed Noonien, this had been the limit of their actives, so far.

“Jim,” Noonien pulled until the man was resting on his chest, his hand happily down the back of the man’s trousers. The feel of the warm skin under him palm was a godsend. The chime of someone wanting to enter was not.

“Damn it,” Jim grumbled pushing away from Noonien, “excuse me while I go throttle a crewmen.”

Noonien sat up, pulling the blankets up, even though he couldn’t be seen from anywhere but the doorway. He tried to listen and the only thing he could gather was that the lovely Lieutenant Uhura was here. Noonien started to worry considerably when he heard the door open and close and Jim didn’t return. When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he pulled on the soft cotton pants he’d taken to wearing since his fall and walked to the living area, his limp only noticeable to himself. Jim was sitting at his desk his head in his hands, shoulders slumped.

“Jim?” Noonien was very afraid that despite everything everyone had told him on the ship, that he would return to his previous near prisoner state. Jim’s head popped up, Noonien saw the unshed tears in his eyes. “What is it?”

Jim cleared his throat and sniffed, wiped away the moisture still trying to fall, “Wynona died,” his voice was flat, he was sure Bones would say it was some kind of shock. He might not even argue with him over that.

“A friend?” Noonien hadn’t heard the name before that he recalled. Then he did recall. “Your mother…” he trailed off as the memory of Jim’s file came back to him. He would have to conclude that he’d seen the file while he had that bloody slug in his head. The memory was one that was hazy.

Jim nodded, “We weren’t close, she left me with my step-dad the second she could and pretty much never came back.” Jim stood up and shook himself, “I uh, I think I need to take a walk, um I don’t think I’m going to be very good company tonight. Why don’t you try and get some rest? I’ll see you in the morning,” Jim absently kissed Noonien on the cheek and left.

Noonien was so startled by the kiss that he didn’t ask Jim if he should go back to his room. Before he had a chance to debate the topic with himself Jim’s chime sounded again. He grabbed his shirt from the back of the chair and hastily pulled it on. He answered the door barefoot and in low hung cotton pants, hair messed from the earlier kissing. He found Spock and McCoy on the other side of the door.

“He in his room?” McCoy asked.

Noonien shook his head, “You missed him by seconds.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, his head tipped as was his habit.

“He was very distracted, I assume the lieutenant spoke to you?”

Both men nodded, “Heart attack, the CMO of the Reliant sent me the report as a curtesy,” McCoy answered. “Most of the ‘Fleet knows about their estrangement, even some of the reasons for it. Only Jim knows all of them. But Sanders thought I should know in case something would help Jim.”

“Thoughtful of them,” Noonien whispered, he shook the thoughts away, “He said he was going to take a walk and that he would see me in the morning.”

“You sound confused by that.”

He looked up to McCoy, “It was very weird,” not a word he would normally use, but it suited. “He kissed me goodbye, as if he’d done it a thousand times.” Noonien even reached up and touched the lingering feeling of Jim’s lips on his cheek. “He said I should rest, but obviously these are not my quarters, I was so thrown by the kiss I didn’t think to ask him if he would prefer I leave.”

Spock was the one to answer the confusion, “I think the fact that he acted as he did under this stress says a great deal, Mr. Singh. I believe he would be most hurt if he was to return at some point in the night and found you missing. I believe he has gone on autopilot,” Spock looked to McCoy for confirmation.

“Yeah, I’d say the shock was more than he could deal with. Bet if we asked, the computer would tell us he’s either in the gym trying to exhaust himself with some machine setup way too high or standing in the dark of the observation lounge. Jim doesn’t handle grief well, you felt it after Pike died. He either attacks or wallows. You, he could attack for what happened with Pike, there’s nothing to attack with a fluke of genetics, so he’ll wallow.”

“Even though they were estranged?”

McCoy shrugged, “Alive, there was always a chance she’d get a clue and learn to love her son.”

There was nothing to say to that, so he didn’t. He instead asked, “What do we do?”

“You stay here and rest and wait for Jim to come back. I’m going to put him on leave for tomorrow, even if he just wallows he’s going to be exhausted tomorrow. I don’t know if he’ll want to travel for the memorial, kinda doubt it though.”

Noonien accepted the doctor’s advise. And since he was here, Noonien asked, “If you have a moment, Jim is concerned.”

“About what?”

Noonien pulled his shirt off and turned to show his back and arm to the doctor. He took very carful and measured breaths to keep control of himself as he literally turn his back to the men, who at one point would (in the very recent past) would have killed him.

“Shit, guessing the bruise I can’t see isn’t any better, is it?”

Noonien pulled his shirt back on and turned to face them, he saw the slight tint of green to Spock’s face and the flash of compassion the man ruthlessly pushed away. “Correct, I can’t remember a time where it took me more than two days to heal. Jim asked that I try your medical tools again. It is possible Marcus’s staff was intentionally using them incorrectly to make me ill.”

McCoy bit back the string of curses he wanted to let loose with. Spock was not in a mood to deal with it and he wasn’t in a mood to deal with Spock’s moods. “Do you want to try now?”

He thought about it for a moment, if he tried it now he could possibly sleep through any unpleasant effects. “You are not going to check on the captain?”

McCoy looked at Spock, each had an eyebrow up, McCoy looked back to Singh, and shook his head, “We need to let him work through this a bit. If we bug him too soon he’ll just let it fester.”

“I would like to try again, I will trust you.”

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim busted a second bag open before he gave in and took a shower. He nearly ran through his rations before he got out from the blistering water. He dried off, put on some clothes and wondered to a mostly ignored section of the ship. Staring out as the stars passed him by. He tried to keep his mind blank. He always wondered if he shouldn’t ask Spock or now maybe even Noonien, how to meditate. If he could empty his mind, if he could blank everything out, he’d love to just ditch every memory he had of Wynona Kirk, maybe even George Kirk. It would probably save him a lot of heart ache.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. George deserved to be remembered. Wynona too he supposed, but not today. Today he needed selective amnesia, but that just wasn’t in the cards. Today, for the first time he could remember, the stars seemed dull. Without letting himself think, he walked back to his quarters.

The site of his bed made him think again and this time it was only good things floating through his mind. Noonien lay in his bed, his alabaster smooth skin finally free of any color. His pants had inched down his hips and Jim good see it was free of blemishes as well. He’d talked to Bones and had the bruises healed. Jim hoped that it hadn’t made him feel ill. He was loathed to wake the man in case it had. He swiped his sleep pants off the shelf near the bed and slipped into the bathroom. He changed quickly hoping to try to keep his mind on the man in his bed. If he was thinking about Noonien still being in his bed then he couldn’t be thinking of his dead mother.

It seemed to work because as soon as he was comfortably wrapped around Noonien’s augment warm body, he was asleep.

&*&*&*&*&*&

“Kirk, my condolences.”

“Uh, thank you, sir.”

“I know your mother was a royal bitch, I met her more than once, but she was a good officer,” Komack pushed on through was he had wanted to say. He knew Commander Kirk had been a horrible mother. Had never recovered from losing her husband. But she had made sure her career never suffered from it.

“Yes, sir,” Jim really wasn’t sure how to respond to what the admiral had said. Yes, his mom had been a good officer, yes she’d been a bitch, yes she’d been a shit mom, and all the other all things you couldn’t really say about your dead mother to your boss, despite him saying it first.

“The PR guys want you here for the memorial. I won’t make it an order but I would highly suggest that you consider it.”

“Sir, I don’t think I can. We are to far out for me to take off back to Earth attend and try and catch back up. None of our shuttles on board have a large enough warp core to pull that off.”

Komack wasn’t surprised. He already knew that. “The Reliant is five hours out from you at the moment.”

Jim’s face lost all color, “You want me to hitch a ride on the ship carrying my dead estranged mother’s body, with nothing to do for the entire flight?” Jim shook his head, “I can’t do that sir.”

“I understand, the offer had to be made. I’ll have PR write a speech too record. You should at least do that.”

“Yes, sir,” Jim said again before he took a deep breath and asked the question he’d wanted answered a week ago. “Sir, what about Mr. Singh, has anything been decided?”

“Yes, one of the doctors had been on vacation, we had to wait. The damned doctor had left their comm link behind and went and climbed some damn mountain,” Komack couldn’t ever imagine doing something like that. “Everyone concurs, McCoy’s reports paints a picture of how bad everything could have been.”

Jim let his shoulders drop just a bit, “Thank you sir, the ship had been notified of the situation and everyone seemed very anxious too hear the results. Mr. Singh has been on pins and needles waiting.”

“You should be getting a message sometime today with official documents. I know the rest of the admirals were discussing what to do with him for the rest of your mission.” Komack looked straight as Kirk and asked, “How is he after that fall? I saw the report. He’d lucky to be alive, even being an augment.”

“He was healing much slower than he expected. He and Dr. McCoy hypothesis that his body just didn’t know what to heal first. He says he doesn’t remember ever being hurt over so much of his body before. It’s alway been more localized, from what I understand. Until last night he was still bruised over 35% of his body. I asked him to try and give our tech one more try. It’s possible that Marcus’s staff was doing something wrong intentionally, but when he woke up this morning he said he felt fine, no nausea or any other problems he can remember from before.” Just as Jim said that he had and idea, “The slug, damn it, I bet that was it.”

Komack was confused by the young captain, “Kirk?”

“The only time our healing technology was used on him, he was host to the slug, it could have been what was making him react badly to it.”

“Nice idea, have McCoy see if he can rule that out. Who knows if we’ll need to know that in the future or not, but it seems like something your CMO would like to know.”

“Yes, sir.”

Komack nodded, “I’ll have PR send you something with 24 hours,” and he signed off.

Jim slumped into his chair. This was insane. He idly wondered how bad it would look if he recorded the speech three sheets to the wind. Of course he knew the answer and just hoped that PR kept the speech short sweet and clear of emotional verbiage.

He was reaching for his comm panel to call Noonien to his ready room when Uhura called him with the file clearing the man. He looked it over to see if everything looked on the up and up. It did. It rescinded most of the limitations, leaving only ones pertaining to a civilian contractor. It did include information and links allowing Noonien to take several StarFleet Academy classes online with requests for the crew to proctor any exams. Jim knew that any crew with the expertise would be willing to help.

Finishing the file Jim finally reached for the comm and called Noonien in. It took a few minutes for him to show up, but Jim felt much better when he came in looking fresh and healthy for the first time in a week. He stopped in front of Jim’s desk and fell into a loose parade rest. Jim shook his head and motioned towards the chair then handed Noonien the pad with the information regarding his new status.

They hadn’t said a word, yet the silence wasn’t awkward or strained. It felt like the silence when he and Spock were working together. When Noonien looked up there was something in his eyes Jim hadn’t really seen before. Hope.

“There is nothing here about my crew.”

“I saw that, I wanted to talk to you first. You saw what they are offering you, but you can leave and catch a ship back to Earth. You do not have to join Star Fleet. You don’t even have to stay on Earth. I would like you to stay,” Jim added softly, “but I know how much they all mean to you. I want you to do what is best for you.”

Noonien was torn, five years more with out his crew? He was already two years older than they were due to his time with Marcus, but in the grand scheme of things two years or even seven was nothing to them. They did not age the same as traditional humans. But they deserved to know this world. If he waited, he would have more information to help them navigate it. But if he waited there was a very real chance he could die, leaving them with no one to aid them.

“Noonien, take all the time you need, go back to your quarters, think about it. I’ll let Scotty know what’s going on.”

It took a moment before Noonien hooded and stood up, “captain,” was all he said before turned and left.

Jim slumped in his chair and mourned the loss of more than his mother.

&*&*&*&*&*&

  
When the file came in from PR Jim read it over and recorded his little speech before he could talk himself out of it then sent it off before he could stop himself.

He wasn’t on duty so he left his ready room and wondered his ship. He touched the walls at random intervals, he wondered in and out of rooms he’d never had a real reason to be in before. He found himself in the smaller observation lounge again and watched the universe pass him by. The reality was that her death meant nothing to him. He hadn’t thought of her in years, other than to wonder when he woke from being dead if she bothered to check on him. She hadn’t. His family, all of it was here on this ship. And the one person he’d hoped to add to that family in a hopefully permanent way would be leaving soon to be with his family.

And that was exactly how Jim’s life had always been. He would find someone he though maybe, and the answer would be no, before he could even get the question out. Everyone though he was the universes’s biggest player, but he was the one always getting played.

Jim shrugged as if he was telling himself not to care. But he did. The idea of what Spock had said, about being drawn to Noonien because they literally shared a blood bond was nice. But that’s all it was ever going to be; a nice idea. One he would best served forgetting right now before it tried to become something more.

When he heard the soft foot falls behind him he knew it would be the only thing that would keep him sane in the coming years.

“Captain.”

“So the Reliant is near, we could hail her and you can hitch a ride back. You can go to the memorial. Stand in for the crew of the Enterprise, so to speak. I know how much you’re looking forward to seeing Susheila.”

Noonien was rarely caught off guard, but Jim’s words did just that, and the flat tone he used only added to the unsettling feeling. “I am. I had hoped that you would allow me to stay though.”

Jim spun around on his heel so fast he damn near fell over, he had to put a hand on the wall to keep from doing just that. “What?!”

Noonien looked at his … friend … lover… “I want nothing more than to see all of them alive and healthy and most of all happy. But if I went to them now, if I told them my story as it is, they will not react,” Noonien paused looking for the best word, “well.” He took a small step forward reaching out to Jim. When his hand was taken he curled his fingers around this in his hand and pulled his friend into his arms, “I want to stay with you and write a better story to wake them with.”

Jim couldn’t believe what he was hearing, someone was choosing him. Someone was honestly pick him over others. As his mind said that over and over again he realized he had an entire ship of people who had done the same thing, twice already. Why hadn’t he ever seen that?

He finally found his voice, “Thank you.”

Noonien pushed Jim back just a bit so he could see the man’s face. “You really thought I would leave you?”

Jim shrugged, “You have 72 people that you’ve waited over 300 years to see. Why would you stay with a crazy captain on a ship that more likely to get you killed then back to them safe and sound?”

“Maybe because I feel I can help keep the ship’s captain from being to crazy and help him keep the ship safe and sound?”

Jim let himself smile just a bit. “I’ve never been one for dramatic displays of public affection, but I feel if we don’t kiss right now I’m going to implode like some damsel in distress.”

Nooning laughed, a full deep laugh, the likes of which he hadn’t laughed in centuries, if ever, “Well I can’t let my captain implode now can I?”

“What about your … boyfriend?” Jim asked, his voice tentative again.

“Even a smaller window of chance,” Noonien leaned in and kissed Jim’s cheek, just as he had the night before, then his jaw line, then finally he gave in and kissed his lover’s soft lips. “My captain was a very generous man and gave me the afternoon off. Perhaps we should make use of the time and spend it together?”

“I think you and your captain are very wise men.”

The pair made it back to officer’s country before they saw a single crewmen. Bones was leaning on Jim’s door, arms crossed over his chest. Jim had never noticed how tight that pulled his shirt before. He wondered if he have him order a larger size because really, that was just obscene. He wondered why there weren’t more accident reports caused by the sight. He shook his head to clear the very random thought and asked Bones what he wanted.

“To see if you were still breathen’.”

Noonien leaned in and whispered, “Are we ever going to have more then ten minutes?”

“Oh yeah we are,” Jim looked to his best friend, “I’m breathing, I’ve even done the bit for mother and federation, now I’m going to take the next eleven hours for me and mine,” Jim patted Bones on the shoulder, “I love you like a brother, but if you keep leaning on my door you are going to find out things you might not have enough brain bleach for.”

Bones snorted, “I roomed with you, I know plenty, thanks.” But he did push off of the door and started to walk away, “Just take it easy, I don’t want to heal anything.”

Noonien shook his head, had he really decided to stay on this ship full of escaped mental patients?

Jim opened his door and Noonien didn’t have another coherent thought for hours.

Both men worked to prove to the other that they knew how to make a body sing. Jim proved kissing men was the same as kissing women and that he was an expert kisser. Noonien had first hand knowledge of how well Jim kissed but everything was so much better without clothes. Jim knew how wonderful it felt to have his hands all over Noonien’s smooth skin, but now he knew how wonderful it was for the man to respond with lust and not contained pain.

Each man found places the other hadn’t known were pleasure points. Noonien hadn’t known he liked to have his shoulder nibbled on, Jim hadn’t known that kisses to the small of his back could make him gasp like that. Noonien found he loved the sound of _Nien_ coming from Jim’s lips despite his hatred of nicknames. Later he thought it was more the way Jim sounded when he said Nien, breathy and seconds from covering them both in his orgasm.

Jim loved how his lovers voice became even deeper, his accent changing from posh British to something more lilting, he figured it was more of the Hindi coming out to shine in those heated moments. He also had caught the whispered prayers to deities in that last minute before he felt Nien shudder and still his face one of pure ecstasy.

It was near dawn, ship time, before they finally gave into the need to sleep, neither really wanting to give up a moment of their stolen time, but even an augment could be exhausted to the point of needing sleep.

&*&*&*&*&*&

Jim woke first, Mother Nature demanding her due. He ignored her for a moment to revel in the smile on Nien’s face as he slept. It was a new smile, one Jim hadn’t seen yet. His heart thudded a little fasted and little harder for a moment before it calmed. Jim let his own smile fill his face before he slipped free.

When he returned Nien was just fluttering awake. Jim kissed him before he could make it all the awake. He smiled again when he felt those strong arms wrap around him, pulling him down. When they shifted on to their sides, Jim pulled back and found the smile reached Nien’s eyes.

“One,” he whispered.

Noonien was confused, they had kissed more than once, had brought each other to several new heights, “One?”

“After I was release and I started watching you, I counted how many times you had nightmares, how many times you had simple dreams, now I’m going to count how many times I can make you smile like this.”

Noonien’s smile changed once more, “I do not think even your first officer or your computer can keep that number, I have a feeling it will be nearly permanent.”

“Good,” Jim kissed Nien again, “good.”


End file.
